Warner Huntington III: Pooh bear, just get in the car.
Elle: No.
Warner Huntington III: You're gonna ruin your shoes.
Elle: Okay.

Isn't it the first cardinal rule of perm maintenance that you are forbidden to wet your hair for at least 24 hours after getting a perm at the risk of deactivating the ammonium thioglycolate?


Elle: And wouldn't somebody who had, say, 30 perms before in their life be well aware of this rule, and if in fact you weren't washing your hair as I suspect you weren't because your curls are still intact, wouldn't you have heard the gunshot, and if in fact you had heard the gunshot Brooke Windham wouldn't have had time to hide the gun before you got downstairs. Which means you would have had to found Brooke Windham with a gun in her hand to make your story plausible, isn't that right?
Chutney Windham: She's my age! Did she tell you that? How would you feel if your father married someone who was your age?
Elle: You, however, Chutney had time to hide the gun after you shot your father.
Chutney Windham: [in tears] I didn't mean to shoot him!

Elle: Oh my God.
The Honorable Marina R. Bickford: Oh my God.
Brooke: Oh my God.
The Honorable Marina R. Bickford: Bailiff, take the witness into custody, where she will be charged for the murder of Joseph Windham. Case dismissed. Mrs. Windham, you are free to go.
Brooke: Thank you, your honor.

Elle's Mother: Honey, you were First Runner-Up at the "Miss Hawaiian Tropic" contest. Why are you going to throw that all away?
Elle: Going to Harvard is the only way I'm going to get the love of my life back.
Elle's Father: Oh, sweetheart, you don't need law school. Law school is for people who are boring and ugly and serious. And you, button, are none of those things.

Let the blood bath begin.

Professor Callahan

Warner Huntington III: How was your first class?
Elle: Oh, it was okay, except for this horrible preppy girl who tried to make me look bad in front of the professor, but no biggie.

Elle: It has come to my attention that the maintenance staff is switching our toilet paper from Charmin... to generic. All those opposed to chafing, please say "Aye."
Entire Sorority Group: Aye!

Elle: Oh Warner, do you remember when we spent those four amazing hours in the hot tub together after winter formal?
Warner Huntington III: Uhh, ye... no
Elle: Well this is so much better than that. Excuse me, I have some shopping to do.

Oh, my God, the bend and snap works every time!


Bend and snap.


Emmett: Did you take Mrs. Windham on a date?
Enrique Salvatore: Yes.
Emmett: Where?
Enrique Salvatore: A restaurant in Concord, where no one could recognize us.
Emmett: How long have you been sleeping with Mrs. Windham?
Enrique Salvatore: Three months.
Emmett: And your boyfriend's name is...
Enrique Salvatore: Chuck.
Emmett: Right.
Enrique Salvatore: Pardon me, pardon me! I thought you said friend; Chuck is just a friend!

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