Roz Focker: Nah, I'm bored. Come on, Dina. You want a Spritzer?
Dina Byrnes: What? Oh, a Spritzer. Sounds yummy.

Bernie Focker: [hitting toilet with fire extinguisher] I gotta save my dog!
Jack Byrnes: Forget your dog, what about my toilet?

Jack Byrnes: Okay we can play 3 on 2, but we'll need someone to be official quarterback.
Bernie Focker: Gay goes both ways.
Jack Byrnes: Oh, I'll bet he does.

Bernie Focker: It's not about winning or losing. It's about passion. You know what I mean, Jack.
Jack Byrnes: Not really, Bernard. I think personal competitive drive is the essential key that makes America what it is today.
Bernie Focker: Well, whatever works.

Greg Focker: [high on Truth Serum, giving a speech] Hello everybody. I am, uh, about to set sail on my ship... on the sea of life with my first mate - the beautiful Pamela Byrnes.
Pam Byrnes: Love you, baby!
[blows kiss]
Greg Focker: [drunkenly blows back kiss, pauses] I still masturbate to Pam. What? She's hot - check out those boobs. I just wanna lather 'em up with soap and rub my face in 'em. I could take a vacation in there. What? Gosh, sorry you're perfect! And there's another wonderful lady in the audience, my future mother-in-law Dina Byrnes! Dina-Dina-Bo-Bina-I-love-Dina! Byrnes! You know they say you can tell from looking at the mother what your wife will look like in the future - well, I'm looking, and I'm LIKIN...
[Spies Jorge]
Greg Focker: In my first... passionate sexual awakening, I made sweet sweet love to my housekeeper, Isabelle.
Pam Byrnes: Come on, honey, that was in the past, so sit down.
Greg Focker: No no no, baby - I gotta get this off my chest.
Pam Byrnes: Please... sit.
Greg Focker: We conceived a child. Come on up here, Jorge! This is the fruit of my loins. Come on - search your heart, you know it to be true. Yo soy tu papa! Yeah, I know, a lot of information to take in. Give that boy a hand. Oh, and Jack - Pam's pregnant. Focker out.
[passes out]

Roz Focker: Yeah, and now it's up to 50 Fockers.
Jack Byrnes: 50 Fockers. What could be better?

Bernie Focker: At least I'm comfortable enough in my skin to cook for my family. Tell me when was the last time you gave your wife breakfast in bed? When was the last time you gave her anything in bed?
Jack Byrnes: Now you're outta line Focker.
Bernie Focker: No man you are outta line. You hurt my feelings there. There's no reason to hurt my feelings.
[looks at Greg and points to Jack]
Bernie Focker: He insulted me.

Dina Byrnes: [after Bernie has destroyed Jack's toilet to save Moses] Jack, he was just trying to save his pet. I mean, what if it had been Jinx who fell in the toilet?
Jack Byrnes: [matter-of-factly] Mr. Jinx has had extensive aquatic training. He would have known exactly what to have done in a submergion.

Roz Focker: Tell me, what's going on with that man of yours?
Dina Byrnes: Well, Jack's always been a little wound up. His job is very stressful.
Roz Focker: Being a florist is stressful?
Dina Byrnes: There's more to it than people think.

If its yellow let it mellow, if its brown flush it down... Oops, looks like I forgot my own rule
[flushes the toilet]

Bernie Focker

Are you so sure you have what it take to be the God Focker? Because I am watching you.

Jack Byrnes

I have eyes too, so I'll be watching you... watching me.

Greg Focker

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