There's water in the basement, and the pilot light is out.

Tess Ocean

If all the animals on the equator were capable of flattery, then Thanksgiving and Halloween would fall on the same date.

Danny Ocean

Turk Malloy: Are you in yet?
Virgil Malloy: I hate that question

Rusty Ryan: Are you alright?
Danny Ocean: Yeh, um, I just bit into a red pepper.
Rusty Ryan: Is that... are you... are you watching Oprah?

Rusty Ryan: Look, it's not in my nature to be mysterious. But I can't talk about it and I can't talk about why.
Linus Caldwell: [sarcastically] Ooooooooooh.

Tess: You're a thief and a liar.
Danny: I only lied about being a thief, I don't do that anymore.
Tess: Steal?
Danny: Lie.
Tess: I'm with someone who doesn't have to make that kind of distinction.
Danny: No, he's very clear on both.

Linus Caldwell: What did I say?
Danny Ocean: You called his niece a whore.
Rusty Ryan: A very cheap one.
Danny Ocean: She's seven.

Bartender: [over the background noise] How's the game going?
Rusty: Longest hour of my life.
Bartender: [not hearing him] What?
Rusty: I'm running away with your wife.
Bartender: Great!

Rusty: Saul, you're the best there is. What do you want?
Saul: Nothing. I've got a duplex now, wall-to-wall, goldfish. I'm seeing a nice lady who works the "Unmentionables" counter at Macy's. I've changed.
Rusty: Guys like us don't change, Saul. We either stay sharp or we get sloppy, we don't change.

Rusty: I hope you were the Groom.
Danny: Ted Nugent called, he wants his shirt back.

Danny: Why do they always paint hallways that color?
Rusty: They say taupe is very soothing.

Danny: Now, they tell me I paid my debt to society.
Tess: Funny, I never got a check.

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