Doyle: It's hopeless. We'll never get past the guards.
Roy: Well, not with that attitude, we won't.

Roy: Lord, help me. Just let me know you're there. Love me, hate me, but let me know you're up there.
Roy: Hey, I can see our hotel from here. Wow.

Roy, you're about to die. You're on the minute hand of a clock. My life is flashing before my eyes. Wait a minute. I don't remember her.


Roy: Well, what's in it for you?
Lord Rathbone: Your looking at the future king of England.
Roy: You're, like, 20th line to the throne.
Lord Rathbone: 10th. But my friend here is about to change all that.

[to Nelson] No matter how far you are from the throne, you'll always be number one in our hearts.


[to Charlie] Ever heard of parents? We have parents who love us. You don't, 'cause you're an orphan


Prostitute: [trying to woo Roy] I'll give you a discount.
Roy: That's the most romantic thing a woman has ever said to me.

We come from America. You might have heard of it? We run your jerkwatter country.


Father, is this my husband-to-be? He's a toad. If the Emperor is so fond of him, why doesn't he marry him?

Princess Pei Pei

Artie, Lin is not a killer. She's just a really, really, really hot, confused, Chinese girl.


Don't worry, it could be worse - he could be a white guy.

Medicine Man

Chon Wang: I got an idea: why don't I pretend I'm sick, and then you can attack the guard when they come in?
Roy O'Bannon: Oh, you mean the sick person routine? Does that still work in China? 'Cause here it's sorta been done to death.

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