[to Nelson] No matter how far you are from the throne, you'll always be number one in our hearts.

Doyle

[to Charlie] Ever heard of parents? We have parents who love us. You don't, 'cause you're an orphan

Roy

Prostitute: [trying to woo Roy] I'll give you a discount.
Roy: That's the most romantic thing a woman has ever said to me.

We come from America. You might have heard of it? We run your jerkwatter country.

Roy

Father, is this my husband-to-be? He's a toad. If the Emperor is so fond of him, why doesn't he marry him?

Princess Pei Pei

Artie, Lin is not a killer. She's just a really, really, really hot, confused, Chinese girl.

Roy

Don't worry, it could be worse - he could be a white guy.

Medicine Man

Chon Wang: I got an idea: why don't I pretend I'm sick, and then you can attack the guard when they come in?
Roy O'Bannon: Oh, you mean the sick person routine? Does that still work in China? 'Cause here it's sorta been done to death.

Roy O'Bannon: Ooooh... who's the pretty lady?
Chon Wang: That's my wife!
Roy O'Bannon: How long you been in this country?
Chon Wang: Four days.
Roy O'Bannon: Nice work.

Chon Wang: He took the gold.
Roy O'Bannon: Is that all you care about, the gold? Shame on you.

Now I'm gonna have to get rid of my outlaw name, it just won't work anymore. My real name's Wyatt Earp.

Roy O'Bannon

Come on. We're men, we're not pinatas!

Roy O'Bannon

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