Puss in Boots: I smell something familiar. Something dangerous. Something...breakfasty.
Humpty Dumpty: It's been a long time, brother.
Puss in Boots: Humpty Alexander Dumpty! How dare you show your face to me!
Humpty Dumpty: I know you're angry, you have every right, but it is good to see you Puss. Are those new boots?
Puss in Boots: No, they are the same boots I wore when you betrayed me.
Humpty Dumpty: Betrayed you? You left me cracked in pieces on a bridge, surrounded by soldiers -- they wrote a song about it!

I hate Mondays.


[to Shrek as the ship leaves] Well my friend, you are royally...

Puss in Boots

Gingerbread Man: All right. Do you know... the muffin man?
Lord Farquaad: The muffin man?
Gingerbread Man: The muffin man.
Lord Farquaad: Yes, I know the muffin man. Who lives on Drury Lane?
Gingerbread Man: She's married to the muffin man...
Lord Farquaad: The muffin man?
Gingerbread Man: The muffin man.
Lord Farquaad: She's married to the muffin man.

King: [Donkey sits at the table] No, no! Bad donkey! Bad, bad donkey!
Princess Fiona: It's okay, dad. He's with us. He helped rescue me from the tower.
Donkey: Yup, that's me, the noble steed. Hey waiter! How 'bout a bowl for the steed?

Don't you point those dirty, green sausages at me!

Fairy Godmother

Princess Fiona: What kind of a knight are you?
Shrek: One of a kind.

This'll be fun. We'll stay up late, swapping manly stories, and in the morning... I'm making waffles.


Oh, Shrek. Don't worry. Things just seem bad because it's dark and rainy and Fiona's father hired a sleazy hitman to whack you.


Princess Fiona: Shrek's hurt.
The Donkey: What? Shrek's hurt? Oh, no, Shrek's gonna die!
Shrek: Donkey, I'm fine.
The Donkey: You can't die on me, Shrek! I'm too young for you to die! Keep your feet elevated! Turn your head and cough! Does anybody know the Heimlich?

[to the Dragon] Why of course you're a girl dragon. You're just reeking of feminine beauty... hey, what's the matter wit you, you got somethin' in your eye?


Donkey: Don't mess wit' me. I'm the Stair Master. I've Mastered the Stairs. I wish I had a step right here, I could step here and here and here and step all over it.
Shrek: Donkey, two things okay? Shut... up.

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