Shrek: Ogres are like onions.
Donkey: They stink?
Shrek: Yes. No.
Donkey: Oh, they make you cry.
Shrek: No.
Donkey: Oh, you leave em out in the sun, they get all brown, start sproutin' little white hairs.
Shrek: NO. Layers. Onions have layers. Ogres have layers. Onions have layers. You get it? We both have layers.
Donkey: Oh, you both have layers. Oh. You know, not everybody like onions.

Shrek: [burps]
The Donkey: Shrek.
Shrek: What? It's a compliment. Better out than in, I always say.
The Donkey: But that's no way to behave in front of a princess.
[Fiona burps louder]
Princess Fiona: Thanks.
The Donkey: [to Shrek] She's as nasty as you are.

Donkey: You love this woman, don't ya?
Shrek: Yes.
Donkey: Do you wanna hold her?
Shrek: Yes.
Donkey: Please her?
Shrek: Yes.
Donkey: Then ya gotta, gotta try a little tenderness! Chicks love that romantic crap.

[to Shrek as the ship leaves] Well my friend, you are royally...

Puss in Boots

You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly, but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly. Ha, ha.

Donkey

Princess Fiona: What kind of a knight are you?
Shrek: One of a kind.

Now really, it's rude enough being alive when no one wants you, but showing up uninvited to a wedding?

Lord Farquaad

Princess Fiona: [as ogre] Donkey, shh, shh. It's me... in this body.
Donkey: [gasps] Oh, my God, you ate the princess!

Oh, no no no no. Dead broad off the table.

This'll be fun. We'll stay up late, swapping manly stories, and in the morning... I'm making waffles.

Donkey

All right, you're going the right way for a smack bottom.

Shrek: Donkey, think of the saddest thing that's ever happened to you.
Donkey: Oh, man! Where do I begin? First there was the time the farmer traded me for some magic beans. I ain't never gotten over that. Then this fool went off and had a party, and they all starting trying to pin a tail on me. Then they all got drunk, and started hitting me with sticks, yelling "Piñata! Piñata!" What the hell is a piñata, anyway?

FREE Movie Newsletter