And then one time I ate some rotten berries. Man, there were some strong gases seepin' outta my butt that day!


Princess Fiona: [turns into an ogre] I wanted to show you before.
Shrek: Well, er, that explains a lot.

The Donkey: So, uh, are there any donkeys up there?
Shrek: Well, there's, um, Gabby, the Small and Annoying.
The Donkey: Okay, okay, I see it now. The big shiny one, right there. That one there?
Shrek: That's the moon.
The Donkey: Oh, okay.

[looking at the huge castle] Do you think he's maybe compensating for something?

Donkey: Can I stay with you? Please?
Shrek: Of course.
Donkey: Really?
Shrek: NO.
Donkey: Please. I don't wanna go back there. You don't know what it's like to be considered a freak... Well, maybe you do, but that's why we gotta stick together. You gotta let me stay!

Princess Fiona: The battle is won. You may remove your helmet, good Sir Knight.
Shrek: Uh, no.
Princess Fiona: Why not?
Shrek: I have helmet hair.
Princess Fiona: Please. I would'st look upon the face of my rescuer.
Shrek: Oh, no, you wouldn't... tst.
Princess Fiona: But... how will you kiss me?
Shrek: What? That wasn't in the job description.
Donkey: Maybe it's a perk.

Donkey: Hi, princess.
Princess Fiona: It talks.
Shrek: Yeah, but it's getting him to shut up that's the trick.

Shrek: What're the flowers for?
Princess Fiona: Getting rid of Donkey.

The kingdom of FAR FAR Away, Donkey? That's where we're going! FAR! FAR!... away.

I hate Mondays.


Puss-in-Boots: Stop, ogre! I have misjudged you.
Shrek: Join the club. We got jackets.

[about Snow White] Although she lives with seven other men, she's actually not easy.

Magic Mirror

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