Hey man I can be your Doug!

Black Doug

Fuck, I keep forgetting about the goddamn tiger!

Phil Wenneck

Phil Wenneck: You're not really wearing that are you?
Alan Garner: Wearing what?
Phil Wenneck: The man purse. You actually gonna wear that or are you just fuckin' with me?
Alan Garner: It's where I keep all my things. Get a lot of compliments on this. Plus it's not a purse, it's called a satchel. Indiana Jones wears one.
Phil Wenneck: So does Joy Behar.

Alan Garner: It was really nice meeting you.
Melissa: Fuck off!
Alan Garner: You know, I was thinking of getting my bartender's license.
Melissa: Suck my dick!
Alan Garner: No thank you.

Stu Price: Ew! Alan, did you just eat sofa pizza?
Alan Garner: Yes.

Doc, none of us could remember anything from last night. Remember?

Alan Garner

Alan Garner: [after learning the hotel room they had reserved only had 2 beds] Two beds is enough, we can share for a night. I'll bunk with Phil. That cool with you?
Phil Wenneck: No.

You wanna fuck on me?

Mr. Chow

Phil Wenneck: God damn it!
Alan Garner: Gosh darn it!
Phil Wenneck: Shit!
Alan Garner: Shoot!

Tigers love pepper... they hate cinnamon.

Alan Garner

I have a weakness for prostitutes apparently, all kinds.

Stu

I wish monkeys could skype.

Alan

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