Phil: "It happened again."
Tracy: "Seriously, what is wrong with you three?"

Stu: I'm part of some weird wolf pack.
Alan: Hey, it's not weird. It's really quite cool, there's no membership fee.

Melissa: I just wish your friends were as mature as you.
Stu Price: They are mature, actually. You just have to get to know them better.
Phil Wenneck: [yelling from outside] Paging Dr. Faggot. Dr. Faggot!
Stu Price: I should go.
Melissa: That's a good idea, Dr. Faggot.

"I have a demon in me."

Stu

I have a weakness for prostitutes apparently, all kinds.

Stu

Its funny because he's fat!

Mr. Chow

Tigers love pepper... they hate cinnamon.

Alan Garner

Phil: You're not my friend!
Alan: Don't say that Phil, are you serious? Even in America!?
Stu: You're the bearded devil!

I was gonna have you sing 'Burn it Up' by the Jonas Brothers, but then I remembered you don't like Indie music.

Alan

Phil: Chow! What are you doing here?
Alan: He's my plus one
Chow: We had a sick night bitches

Phil Wenneck: [his answering machine message] Hey, this is Phil. Leave me a message, or don't, but do me a favor: don't text me, it's gay.

You wanna fuck on me?

Mr. Chow

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