All right, time's up. Time to sit down, buddy.

"Hey Everybody Here's some fun facts The population of Thailand is 63 million people It is twice the size of Wyoming None of you know Stu like I do I can't even tell you what we've been through because we made pact What I can tell you is this. This is not Stu's first marriage There was a whore in Las Vegas a couple of years ..." Phil

Mr. Chow: Did you die?
Phil: No, but i was shot.
Mr. Chow: But did you die?

Alan Garner: There's a jungle cat in the bathroom!
Phil Wenneck: [phil walks into the bathroom, then hurries out] Holy fuck he's not kidding. There's a tiger in the bathroom!

Stu Price: Here's something I would like to remind you two of: our best friend Doug is probably face down in a ditch right now with a meth head butt-fucking his corpse!
Alan Garner: That's highly unlikely.

Stu Price: He was a bartender, and he didn't even come inside her.
Phil Wenneck: And you believe that?
Stu Price: Uh yeah, because she's grossed out by semen!

I wish monkeys could skype.


Woman in Elevator: Oh, how cute! What's his name?
Phil Wenneck: Ben.
Alan Garner: Carlos.

Doc, none of us could remember anything from last night. Remember?

Alan Garner

We're the 3 best friends that anybody could have.
We're the 3 best friends that anyone could have, we're the 3 best friends that anyone can have and we'll never never ever ever ever leave each other."

Alan [singing]

So long, gay boys!

Mr. Chow

Sometimes when you snort coke, your heart stops and starts up again. Read a book!

Mr. Chow

"When a monkey nibbles on a weenis, it's funny in any language."


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