Its funny because he's fat!

Mr. Chow

It's got, ah, Ted Danson and Magnum P.I. and that Jewish actor...

Alan Garner

Woman in Elevator: Oh, how cute! What's his name?
Phil Wenneck: Ben.
Alan Garner: Carlos.

Stu Price: So, uh, are you sure you're qualified to be taking care of that baby?
Alan Garner: What are you talking about? I've found a baby before.
Stu Price: You found a baby before? Where?
Alan Garner: Coffee Bean.

Sometimes when you snort coke, your heart stops and starts up again. Read a book!

Mr. Chow

You wanna fuck on me?

Mr. Chow

[as Mr. Chow closes his car window slowly, his head trails the closing gap] Toodooloo mother fuckers!

Mr. Chow

Melissa: I just wish your friends were as mature as you.
Stu Price: They are mature, actually. You just have to get to know them better.
Phil Wenneck: [yelling from outside] Paging Dr. Faggot. Dr. Faggot!
Stu Price: I should go.
Melissa: That's a good idea, Dr. Faggot.

Tigers love pepper... they hate cinnamon.

Alan Garner

Alan Garner: Can I ask you another question?
Lisa: Sure.
Alan Garner: You probably get this a lot. This isn't the real Caesar's Palace is it?
Lisa: What do you mean?
Alan Garner: Did, umm... did Caesar live here?
Lisa: No.
Alan Garner: I didn't think so.

Alan Garner: It was really nice meeting you.
Melissa: Fuck off!
Alan Garner: You know, I was thinking of getting my bartender's license.
Melissa: Suck my dick!
Alan Garner: No thank you.

Doug Billings: Tracy did mention we shouldn't let him gamble. Or drink too much.
Phil Wenneck: Jesus, he's like a gremlin. Comes with instructions and shit.

FREE Movie Newsletter