We're the 3 best friends that anybody could have.
We're the 3 best friends that anyone could have, we're the 3 best friends that anyone can have and we'll never never ever ever ever leave each other."

Alan [singing]

"When a monkey nibbles on a weenis, it's funny in any language."

Alan

"We made a pact, Wolfpack only."

Alan [to Teddy]

"I have a demon in me."

Stu

"All I wanted was a breakfast brunch."

Stu

Stu: "You got shot!"
Phil: "Am I gonna be ok? You're a doctor."
[Stu looks at the gunshot wound and screams]

Phil: Chow! What are you doing here?
Alan: He's my plus one
Chow: We had a sick night bitches

Phil: "It happened again."
Tracy: "Seriously, what is wrong with you three?"

Phil: "Stu Come on, Get up. We got a situation"
Stu: "Where are we"
Phil: "You're gonna freak out, but its gonna be ok."
[Stu checks mirror and screams]
"This is a real tattoo!"
Stu: "Alan what did you do? Did you roofie me?
Alan: I didn't do anything

All right, time's up. Time to sit down, buddy.

"Hey Everybody Here's some fun facts The population of Thailand is 63 million people It is twice the size of Wyoming None of you know Stu like I do I can't even tell you what we've been through because we made pact What I can tell you is this. This is not Stu's first marriage There was a whore in Las Vegas a couple of years ..." Phil

Doug Billings: All good with Melissa?
Stu Price: Oh, yeah. Told her we're two hours outside of wine country, and she bought it.
Phil Wenneck: Don't you think it's strange that you've been in a relationship for three years and you still have to lie about going to Vegas?
Stu Price: Yeah, I do. But trust me, it's not worth the fight.
Phil Wenneck: Oh, so you can't go to Vegas but she can fuck a bellhop on a Carnival Cruise Line?
Stu Price: Okay, first of all, he was a bartender. And she was wasted. And, if you must know, he didn't even come inside her.
Phil Wenneck: And you believe that?
Stu Price: Uh, yeah, I do believe that, because she's grossed out by semen.

Alan Garner: What if Doug's dead? I can't afford to lose somebody close to me again, it hurts too much. I was so upset when my grandpa died.
Phil Wenneck: How'd he die?
Alan Garner: World War II.
Phil Wenneck: Died in battle?
Alan Garner: No, he was skiing in Vermont, it was just during World War II.

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