Evelyn: Would you like to know what heaven looks like?
Rick: Later.

Alex: [trying to start the car] Come on, come on!
[Johnathan turns the key and breaks it off]
Alex: You broke it, you broke it, you broke it!
Jonathan: Be quiet Alex! If there's going to be any hysterics, they'll come from me!

[Evelyn has just kicked a poisonous snake towards Rick]
Rick: Those are poisonous, you know.
Evelyn: Only if they bite you.

Rick: You know, it's not easy being a... dad.
Alex: Yeah. But you do it real good.

Rick: Right, she's a reincarnated princess and I'm a warrior for God?
Ardeth Bay: And your son leads the way to Ahm Shere. Three sides of the pyramid. This was all preordained thousands of years ago.
Evelyn: But how does the story end?
Ardeth Bay: Only the journey is written, not the destination.
Rick: Convenient.

Rick O'Connell: I. Really. Hate. Mummies.
Evelyn O'Connell: I think the feeling is mutual.

Ah! My ass is on fire! My ass is on fire! Spank my ass. Spank my ass!

Jonathan Carnahan

You three-headed shape-shifting son-of-a-bitch.

Jonathan Carnahan

Jonathan Carnahan: Die you mummy bastards. Die.
Mad Dog Maguire: There is no call for bad language.

Whoa whoa whoa. Sorry pal, there's a mummy on the loose.

Rick O'Connell

Evelyn O'Connell: What is that god awful smell?
Jonathan Carnahan: [covered in puke] The Yak yakked.

So these are the good undead guys, right?

Rick O'Connell

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