[flipping frantically through the Bible] This book doesn't have any answers!

Homer Simpson

Marge Simpson: Thanks for coming over.
Comic Book Guy: [happily] Thanks for giving me your pregnancy pants; I've never known comfort like this.

Hello, I'm Tom Hanks. The US Government has lost its credibility so it's borrowing some of mine.

Tom Hanks

Todd Flanders: I wish Homer was my father.
Ned Flanders: ...and I wish you didn't have the devil's curly hair.

Smithers... I don't believe in suicide, but if you'd like to try it, it might cheer me up to watch.

Montgomery Burns

Ned Flanders: Ok, boys, when you meet Jesus, be sure to call Him Mr. Christ.
Todd Flanders: Will Buddha be there?
Ned Flanders: No.

[after the Simpsons' house collapses into the sink hole] They're China's problem now.

Chief Wiggum

[in the voice of a cartoon mouse] I'm the mascot of an evil corporation!

Bart Simpson

If you can find a greasier sandwich, you're in Mexico!

Krusty the Clown

Homer Simpson: Okay, son. You have only one chance to throw that bomb through the hole.
Bart Simpson: Dad, in case I don't make it, I'm sorry I said I wish you weren't my dad.
Homer Simpson: I don't blame you, son. I've never been that good of a father. Maybe it all starts with the way my father raised me. Yes, it's all clear to me. It's all just been one long, unbroken chain of...
Marge Simpson: Somebody throw the goddamn bomb!

Marge Simpson: Homer, you have to go out there, face that mob, and apologize for what you did.
Homer Simpson: I would, but I'm afraid if I open the door, they'll take all of you!
Carl: No we won't. We just want Homer!
Homer Simpson: Well, maybe not you, but they'll kill Grandpa!
Grampa: I'm part of the mob!

This is Tom Hanks saying if you see me in person, please, leave me be.

Tom Hanks

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