Justice: Hi, I'm Justice.
Jay: And I'm so fucking yours.

Sissy: Your shit is really getting tired, Justice.
Justice: Call me 'Boo-Boo-Kitty-Fuck', bitch.

Hey. Get the fuck off her. That's my ex-girlfriend's monkey.

Jay

Willenholly: Put the monkey down, and your hands up. Let's go, misters. Do you want to get shot? I didn't think so.
Jay: Look, man. She doesn't want to go back to the lab. And for the record, I ain't gay.
Willenholly: And for the record, while we're one the subject, I knew that wasn't a real little boy.
Jay: And for one more record, he loves the cock.

Missy: Oh my god, he just called Sissy 'Juggs'.
Chrissy: I'm on it.
[pulls out knife]
Jay: What's with the knife, we havin' cake or something?
Chrissy: Great, he's retarded to boot.
Jay: [to Silent Bob] Dude, she called you retarded.

Affleck, you the bomb in "Phantoms," yo!

Jay

I don't get out to the movies that much, but "Bluntman and Chronic" was blunt-tastic.

Whillenholly

Randal Graves: That was definitely worse than "Clash of the Titans."
Dante Hicks: I can't believe Judi Dench played me.
Randal Graves: Remind me to renew that restraining order.
Dante Hicks: Why?
Randal Graves: Because I'm going to blast that flick on the Internet tonight.

Customer at Quick Stop: Are you even supposed to be here today?
Dante Hicks: Don't get me started.

Fuck Jay and Silent Bob. Fuck them up their stupid asses.

Holden

Why in God's name would I wanna keep writing about characters whose central preoccupation are weed and dick and fart jokes? I mean, ya gotta grow man. Don't you ever want anything more for yourself? I know this poor hapless son of a bitch does. I look into his sorry doe eyes and I just, I see a man crying out. He's crying out, "When Lord? When the fuck can your servant ditch this foul-mouthed little chucklehead to whom I am a constant victim of his folly, so much so that it prevents him from ever getting to kiss a girl! Fuck! When, Lord when? WHENS GONNA BE MY TIME?"

Holden

Jay: What are you trying to say? Just say it already.
Silent Bob: THE SIGN on the back of the car said "Critters Of HOLLYWOOD," YOU DUMB FUCK!
Jay: Say it, don't spray it.

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