And I'll be, like, "What, you don't know fuckin' Jay and Silent Bob? The fuckin' mack daddys of fuckin' Jersey?" And she'll be, like, "Oh, I've read on the Internet that youse guys are a couple of little ... fuckholes!"


Jay: So your in this for the pussy right?
Brent: No, I'm in this because I LOOOVE animals, stupid?
Jay: Even Sheep?
Brent: Of course. Sheep are beautiful creatures.
Jay: So would you fuck a sheep?
Brent: What is your damage, little boy. You have a sick and twisted world perspective.
Jay: No, you're misunderstaning me, Prince Valiant. I'm saying if you were a sheep, would you fuck a sheep, if you were another sheep?
Brent: Well, in that case, you bet your sweet ass I would.
Jay: Thought so.

Banky: God, I'm so embarrassed.
Hooper: You should be. They took your intellectual property and turned it into one 90-minute long gay joke. It was like watching "Batman & Robin" all over again.

Sheriff: Are you fucking crazy? Now they may be gay, but that's not their son. That's the ape.
Whillenholly: I think I would recognize an ape if I saw one, okay? And the only thing I do recognize right now is the political fiasco I'm about to avoid here by letting this butt-fucking Brady Bunch go.

Just call me Darth Balls... Bong.


Jay: Think I could get a little blow job for good luck?
Justice: No. Go.
Jay: Fuck.

Justice: If I go to prison will you wait for me?
Jay: Hmm, I don't know. Will you fuck me when you get out?

Banky: Well, you're in love. And you've both got your own monkey. What more could two guys from New Jersey want?
Jay: Well, to have all these fucks stop talking shit about us on the Internet.
Banky: What've I been telling you? There's nothing you can do about it. Unless you show up at all their houses and beat the shit out of them.

Whillenholly: Why are you shooting at me? I'm just a Federal Wildlife Marshall.
Chrissy: Two reasons. One: we're walking, talking, bad girl cliches.
Missy: And two: because you're a man.
Whillenholly: Only on the outside.

Jay: So all we's gotta do is stop this fuckin' movie from getting made!
Holden: Yeah, and forego the hundreds of thousands of dollars you would be entitled to in the process. What are you, fucking retarded? I mean, I don't think I'm alone in the world in imagining this flick may be the worst idea since Greedo shooting first. You know it, but... a Jay and Silent Bob movie? Feature length? Who'd pay to see that?

James Van Der Beek: [about Dawson's Creek] You actually watch that show?
Jay: Yeah, for Joey, man. She is too fine. Did you ever get to third base with her?
James Van Der Beek: Well, actually there was this one time..

I'm gonna finger-bang her tight little asshole / Finger-bang and tea-bag my balls / Where, where, in her mouth / Balls a-plenty in her mouth / Balls Balls Sweaty Balls!!!


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