Bethany: So this is all about revenge.
Azrael: After the first couple of million years, no. My only goal was escape, but, surprise surprise, demons can't get into heaven... but angels can.

Jay: Maybe he's got a message on him, like in Con Air.
Rufus: Aww, man, did that movie suck!
Jay: [hiding behind silent Bob] Kill it, kill it!
Rufus: Con Air, Con Shit!

I know they were just kids, but we kicked their pube-less asses!


"I do believe in this." What does that even mean?


Bartleby: Ladies and gentlemen, you have been judged guilty of sinning against our almighty God, and I promise you, you shall pay for your trespasses... in blood!
[Rips shirt to reveal silver breastplate]
Bartleby: Wings, now.
Loki: I'm feeling a little exposed here ...
Bartleby: DO IT!

Randal Graves: You're in the bestiality business.
Sexy Stud: Hey. Fucko. We like to call it inter-species erotica.
Randal Graves: Intriguing.

Randal Graves: That look was so gay, I thought Sam was gonna tell the little Hobbits to go for a walk so he could saunter over to Frodo and suck his fucking cock. Now that would have been an Academy Award-worthy ending.
Hobbit Lover: Hey, faggot! They're not gay. They're hobbits.

Randal Graves: All right, look, there's only one "Return," okay, and it ain't "of the King," it's "of the Jedi."
Hobbit Lover: Oh, Star Wars geek.
Randal Graves: Oh, I'm the geek? Look at you two whipping out your preciouses.
Elias: You'll have to excuse him, he's not "down" with the trilogy.
Randal Graves: Oh, what the fuck happened to this world? There's only one trilogy, you fucking morons.

Elias: Fuck Pillowpants! Honk if you love or like pussy!
Jay: [Looks at Silent Bob] Yo, we love pussy!

Teen #1: You holding?
Jay: Shit, everything except coke, heroin, and your cock!

Dante Hicks: The guy's in a wheelchair.
Randal Graves: I know. That's why I call him "crippie-boy."

I was taking a piss when I heard the news, congratulations!


FREE Movie Newsletter