Yo, you guys are gonna miss this shit! The big guy's gonna cornhole that ass! With his weiner!

Jay

Dante Hicks: Can you feel it?
Randal Graves: Feel what?
Dante Hicks: Today is the first day of the rest of our lives.

I'm gonna kick your ass back to the Shire if you don't shut your fucking mouth.

Hobbit Lover

Randal Graves: Ladies and gentlemen, and you, Elias! Straight from the debauchery capital of the world, TI-juana Mexico!
Dante Hicks: Oh, God, no.
Randal Graves: Oh, God, yes!

Fuck off with your D&D GoBot bullshit.

Randal Graves

What'd you do that for? You realize he just thinks you're trying to get him into a threeway with us now, don't you?

Dante Hicks

Veronica Loughran: Hi, Randal.
Randal Graves: Thirty-seven?
Dante Hicks: Shut up!

I got to rent movies, fuck with assholes, and hang out with my best friend, Dante.

Randal Graves

Melodrama coming from you is about as natural as a oral bowel movement.

Randal Graves

Caitlin Bree: Can I use the bathroom?
Randal Graves: Sure, but there's no light back there.
Caitlin Bree: Why aren't there any lights?
Randal Graves: Well, there are, but for some reason they stop working at 5:14 every night. Nobody can figure it out. And the boss doesn't want to pay the electrician to fix it, because the electrician owes money to the video store.
Caitlin Bree: Such a sordid state of affairs.
Randal Graves: And I'm caught right in the middle - torn between my loyalty to the boss and my desire to piss with the lights on.
Caitlin Bree: Well, I'll try to manage.
Randal Graves: Oh, hey Caitlin, break his heart again this time, and I'll kill ya. Nothing personal.

My mom's been fuckin' a dead guy for 30 years. I call him dad.

Randal Graves

I've had some girlfriends too, but all they wanted from me was weed and shit.

Jay

FREE Movie Newsletter