Dante Hicks: You said you only had sex with three different guys; you never mentioned him!
Veronica Loughran: Because I never HAD sex with him.
Dante Hicks: You sucked his dick!
Veronica Loughran: We went out a few times. We never had sex but we fooled around.
Dante Hicks: Oh my God, WHY did you tell me you only had sex with three different guys?
Veronica Loughran: Because I DID only have sex with three different guys; that doesn't mean I didn't just go with people.
Dante Hicks: Oh my God, I feel so nauseous!

Veronica Loughran: I'm sorry, Dante, I thought you understood!
Dante Hicks: I did understand! I understood that you had sex with three different guys and that's all you said!
Veronica Loughran: Please calm down.
Dante Hicks: How many?
Veronica Loughran: Dante...
Dante Hicks: How many dicks have you sucked?
Veronica Loughran: Let it go!
Dante Hicks: How many?
Veronica Loughran: All right, shut up a second and I'll tell you! Jesus! I didn't freak out like this when you told me how many girls you fucked!
Dante Hicks: This is different, this is important. How many? Well?
Veronica Loughran: Something like... 36.
Dante Hicks: What? Something like 36?
Veronica Loughran: Lower your voice.
Dante Hicks: Wait a minute, what is that anyway, something like 36? Does that INCLUDE me?
Veronica Loughran: Ummm... 37.
Dante Hicks: I'm 37?

Dante Hicks: 37! My girlfriend's sucked 37 dicks!
Customer with Diapers: In a row?

Hey, try not to suck any dick on the way through the parking lot!

Dante Hicks

Sanford: Hey, Dante, I'm gonna grab a Gatorade.
Dante Hicks: If you grab a Gatorade, then everyone's gonna grab one.
Sanford: So?
Dante Hicks: So, who's gonna pay for all these Gatorades?
Sanford: What do you care, you shoe polish-smelling motherfucker?
Dante Hicks: Hey, I have a responsibility here. I can't have everybody grabbing free drinks.

Sanford: Responsibility? What responsibility? You're closing the fucking store to play hockey!
Randal Graves: He's blunt, but he's got a point.
Dante Hicks: Will you let me maintain some semblance of managerial control here?
Sanford: No, all I'm sayin' is that if you're gonna be insubordinate, you might as well go the full nine, not pussy out when it comes to free shit to drink.
Randal Graves: He's right, as if we're suddenly gonna have a run on Gatorade.
Sanford: Fuckin' A!
Dante Hicks: All right! Jesus! You fuckers are pushy!

Duh duh... duh duh... duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh... Salsa shark! We're gonna need a bigger boat! Man goes into cage, cage goes into salsa. Shark's in the salsa. Our shark.

Randal Graves



Noinch, Noinch, Noinch, Schmokin Weed, Schmokin' Weed, Doin' Coke, Drinkin' Beers...


Blue Collar Man: Excuse me, I don't mean to interrupt, but what are you talking about?
Randal Graves: The ending of "Return of the Jedi".
Dante Hicks: My friend here is trying to convince me that any independent contractors working on the uncompleted Death Star were innocent victims when it was destroyed by the Rebels.

Dante Hicks: Somebody put gum in the locks.
Randal Graves: Buncha savages in this town.
Dante Hicks: That's what I said.

Sanford: Hey, I hear Caitlin's marrying an Asian drum major.
Randal Graves: Design major.
Dante Hicks: Can we not talk about this right now?
Sanford: Fine by me, but you're living in denial and suppressing rage, motherfucker!

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