Caitlin Bree: What are you watching?
Randal Graves: Children's programming.

Randal Graves: Listen to you, you're so repressed.
Dante Hicks: What? Because I never tried to suck my own dick?

Randal Graves: Some guy came into the store refusing to pay late fees. Said the store was closed for two hours yesterday. I tore up his membership.
Dante Hicks: Shocking abuse of authority.
Randal Graves: Hey, I'm a firm believer in the philosophy of a ruling class. Especially since I rule.

Dante Hicks: She was supposed to meet Brad Michaelson in a dark bedroom. She picked the wrong one. She didn't even know I was at the party.
Randal Graves: Oh my God.
Dante Hicks: Great story, huh?
Randal Graves: That girl was vile to you.

Dante Hicks: Interesting post script to that story - you know who wound up with Brad in that dark bedroom?
Randal Graves: Your mother?
Dante Hicks: Alan Harris.
Randal Graves: Chess team Alan Harris?
Dante Hicks: The two moved to Idaho shortly after graduation. They raise sheep.
Randal Graves: That's frightening.
Dante Hicks: Takes different strokes to move the world.
Randal Graves: In light of this, I don't see how you can romanticize your relationship with Caitlin. She broke your heart and inadvertently drove men to deviant lifestyles.

Randal Graves: Fine then, just let me borrow your car.
Dante Hicks: What for?
Randal Graves: I want to go rent a movie. What was that?
Dante Hicks: You work at a video store!
Randal Graves: I work at a shitty video store! I want to go to a good video store and get a good movie!

Randal Graves: Do you know what I just watched?
Dante Hicks: Me pulling a can off some moron's fist?
Randal Graves: Return of the Jedi.

Veronica Loughran: All right, who's leading this mob?
Woolen Cap Smoker: That guy.
Veronica Loughran: Hold it! Let's see some credentials. SLOWLY. You're a Chewley's Gum Representative? And you're what? Stirring up all this anti-smoking sentiment to sell more gum? GET OUT OF HERE! And you people, don't you have jobs to go to? Get out of here, go commute! Bunch of easily-led automatons. Try thinking for yourselves before you pelt an innocent man with cigarettes!
Woolen Cap Smoker: Uhhhh... pack of cigarettes?

Dante Hicks: Just go. Just go open the video store.
Jay: Yeah! Go open the video store!
Randal Graves: Shut the fuck up, junkie.

Yeah, Silent Bob, your a rude motherfucker, you know that? But you're cute has hell. I could go down on you, suck you, line up three other guys and make like a circus seal.


Rene: What are you doing? You promised me breakfast.
Brodie: Breakfast, shmreakfast. Look at the score, for Christ's sake. It's only the second period and I'm up 12 to 2. Breakfasts come and go, Rene, but Hartford, "the Whale," they only beat Vancouver once, maybe twice in a lifetime.

Shannon Hamilton: That's it. You're dead, mallrat. I'm gonna fuck you up beyond repair.
Brodie: Ladies and gentlemen, this tall drink of water headed my way is a pillar of the shopping community who informed me earlier today of a nefarious plan of his to screw my girlfriend in an extremely uncomfortable place.
Gil Hicks: What... like the back of a Volkswagen?

FREE Movie Newsletter