Jay: You're fucking kidding me! The Easter bunny did this?
Brodie: All I said was that the Easter bunny at the Menlo Park mall was more convincing and he just jumped the railing and knocked me down.
Jay: He's fucking dead!
Brodie: Oh let it go, he's under a lot of pressure.
[T.S. and Gwen approach them]
T.S. Quint: What the hell happened?
Jay: The guy in the Easter bunny suit kicked his ass.
Brodie: I had it coming.
Jay: [to Silent Bob] Fuck all that shit. Come on, Silent Bob.
[Jay and Silent Bob leave]
T.S. Quint: What really happened?
Brodie: The proprietor of Fashionable Male beat a raincheck into my stomach.
Gwen: Shannon Hamilton?
T.S. Quint: You know that guy?
Gwen: I went out with him once after we dated. He tried to screw me some place very uncomfortable.
T.S. Quint: What? Like the back of a Volkswagen?
Brodie: Sounds like his M.O.

Elias: If he's gonna jerk off, I'm gonna jerk off, too
Randal Graves: I don't think he's gonna jerk off.

I'm gonna kick your ass back to the Shire if you don't shut your fucking mouth.

Hobbit Lover

My mom's been fuckin' a dead guy for 30 years. I call him dad.

Randal Graves

I AM THE C.L.I.T. COMMANDER! Remember that, commander of all C.L.I.T.s! When it comes down to business, this is what I do. I pinch it like this. OOH you little fuck. Then I rub my nose with it.


What's your encore? Do you, like, anally rape my mother while pouring sugar in my gas tank?

Dante Hicks

It's important to have a job that makes a difference, boys. That's why I manually masturbate caged animals for artificial insemination.

Caged Animal Masturbator

This job would be great if it wasn't for the fucking customers.

Randal Graves

Are you an authorized deal maker in this establishment? Do you have the power to negotiate?


Brodie: My Grandmother always used to say "why buy the cow, when you can get the sex for free".
T.S. Quint: She said that?
Brodie: All the time, before she became a lesbian on her 60th Birthday, but that's besides the point.

Fuck Jay and Silent Bob. Fuck them up their stupid asses.


Indecisive Video Customer: Well, have you heard anything about either one of them?
Randal Graves: I find it's best to stay out of other people's affairs.
Indecisive Video Customer: You mean you've haven't heard anybody say anything about either one of these?
Randal Graves: Nope.

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