Favorite View Askew-niverse Quotes
Veronica Loughran: All right, who's leading this mob?
Woolen Cap Smoker: That guy.
Veronica Loughran: Hold it! Let's see some credentials. SLOWLY. You're a Chewley's Gum Representative? And you're what? Stirring up all this anti-smoking sentiment to sell more gum? GET OUT OF HERE! And you people, don't you have jobs to go to? Get out of here, go commute! Bunch of easily-led automatons. Try thinking for yourselves before you pelt an innocent man with cigarettes!
Woolen Cap Smoker: Uhhhh... pack of cigarettes?
Randal Graves: Do you know what I just watched?
Dante Hicks: Me pulling a can off some moron's fist?
Randal Graves: Return of the Jedi.
Randal Graves: Fine then, just let me borrow your car.
Dante Hicks: What for?
Randal Graves: I want to go rent a movie. What was that?
Dante Hicks: You work at a video store!
Randal Graves: I work at a shitty video store! I want to go to a good video store and get a good movie!
Indecisive Video Customer: Well, have you heard anything about either one of them?
Randal Graves: I find it's best to stay out of other people's affairs.
Indecisive Video Customer: You mean you've haven't heard anybody say anything about either one of these?
Randal Graves: Nope.
Randal Graves: So your argument is that title dictates behavior?
Dante Hicks: What?
Randal Graves: The reason you won't let me borrow your car is because I have a title and a job description, and I'm supposed to follow it, right?
Dante Hicks: Exactly.
Dante Hicks: Interesting post script to that story - you know who wound up with Brad in that dark bedroom?
Randal Graves: Your mother?
Dante Hicks: Alan Harris.
Randal Graves: Chess team Alan Harris?
Dante Hicks: The two moved to Idaho shortly after graduation. They raise sheep.
Randal Graves: That's frightening.
Dante Hicks: Takes different strokes to move the world.
Randal Graves: In light of this, I don't see how you can romanticize your relationship with Caitlin. She broke your heart and inadvertently drove men to deviant lifestyles.
Dante Hicks: She was supposed to meet Brad Michaelson in a dark bedroom. She picked the wrong one. She didn't even know I was at the party.
Randal Graves: Oh my God.
Dante Hicks: Great story, huh?
Randal Graves: That girl was vile to you.
Indecisive Video Customer: They say so much, but they never tell you if it's any good... are either one of these any good?... Sir?
Randal Graves: What?
Indecisive Video Customer: Are either one of these any good?
Randal Graves: I don't watch movies.
Randal Graves: Some guy came into the store refusing to pay late fees. Said the store was closed for two hours yesterday. I tore up his membership.
Dante Hicks: Shocking abuse of authority.
Randal Graves: Hey, I'm a firm believer in the philosophy of a ruling class. Especially since I rule.
Randal Graves: Listen to you, you're so repressed.
Dante Hicks: What? Because I never tried to suck my own dick?
Dante Hicks: I thought I told you not to be dealing in front of the store.
Jay: I ain't dealin', man, what you talkin' about?
Willam Black: Hey, man, you got anything?
Jay: Yeah, man, what you want?
I'm offering you my body and you're offering me semantics.Caitlin Bree