Popular View Askew-niverse Quotes
Holden: If the buzz is any indicator, that movie's gonna make some huge bank.
Jay: What buzz?
Holden: The Internet buzz.
Jay: What the fuck is the Internet?
Holden: The Internet is a communication tool used the world over where people can come together to bitch about movies and share pornography with one another.
Banky: Stop the movie? What are you, crazy?
Jay: All these assholes on the internet are calling us names because of this stupid fucking movie.
Banky: That's what the internet is for. Slandering others anonymously. Stopping the flick isn't gonna stop that.
Jay: This isn't fair. We came to Hollywood, I fell in love. Fuckin', we got shot at, we stole a monkey, and I got punched in the motherfucking nuts by a guy named Cock-Knocker.
Banky: You know what? I feel for you boys, I really do, but Miramax - you know, Miramax Films - paid me a shitload of money for Bluntman and Chronic. So it occurs to me that people badmouthing you on some website, is NONE OF MY FUCKING CONCERN.
Silent Bob: Oh, but I think it is... We had a deal with you, on the comics remember, for likeness rights, and as we're not only the artistic basis, but also obviously the character basis, for your intellectual property, Bluntman and Chronic. When said property was optioned by Miramax Films, you were legally obliged to secure our permission to transfer the concept to another medium. As you failed to do that, Banky, you are in breach of the original contract, ergo you find yourself in a very actionable position.
Tricia Jones: Well! That was just another paean to male adolescence and it's refusal to grow up.
Alyssa Jones: Yeah, sis. But it was better than "Mallrats." At least Holden had the good sense to leave his name off of it.
Tricia Jones: Why didn't Miramax option his other comic instead. You know, the one about you and him and your "relationship" ?
Alyssa Jones: Oh, "Chasing Amy" ? That would never work as a movie.
Jay: Do they say who's fuckin' playing us in the movie?
Holden: No, but it's Miramax. So I'm sure it'll be Ben Affleck and Matt Damon. They put those guys in a bunch of movies.
Holden: You know, those kids from Good Will Hunting?
Jay: You mean that fuckin' movie with Mork from Ork in it?
Holden: Yeah, I wasn't a big fan either... but Affleck was the bomb in "Phantoms."
Jay: Word, bitch, Phantoms like a mallfucker.
Ben Affleck: So? Action, Gus or what?
Gus Van Sant: Christ, Ben, I said I'm busy.
It may not be my way, but damn if there doesn't go one happy family. All right, gang, let's just shoot some tear gas into the diner, and then when the guys come out with the monkey, we'll... Fuckbeans. That was them, wasn't it?Whillenholly
In a world gone mad, we will not spank the monkey, but the monkey will spank us.Jay
And we do want to say to the people at home, the clit is not something to be played with.Reg Hartner
Brodie: Oh my God. Don't tell me you have no idea there's a movie being made of the comic you two were the basis for.
Jay: What? Since when?
Brodie: See, here's the pulse. And this is your finger, far away from the pulse, jammed straight up your ass. Say, would you like a chocolate covered pretzel?
I hope one rips the other one's shirt off and we see some fuckin titties floppin around, yeah!Jay
Justice: Hi, I'm Justice.
Jay: And I'm so fucking yours.
Sissy: Your shit is really getting tired, Justice.
Justice: Call me 'Boo-Boo-Kitty-Fuck', bitch.