Teen #1: How about a nickel bag?
Jay: Fifteen bucks, lit-tle man. Put that shit in my hand. Nong nong nonga nonga nong nong.
Teen #1: [to Teen #2] He likes to sing.

Randal Graves: Why haven't you fucked Myra yet?
Elias: Well we can't because of Pillow Pants.
Randal Graves: What the fuck's Pillow Pants?
Elias: Pillow Pants is a little troll that lives in her pussy.

Say what you will about Jesus, but leave "The Rings" alone.

Elias

You gotta be as blind as Anne Frank not to see that.

Randal Graves

Yo, you guys are gonna miss this shit! The big guy's gonna cornhole that ass! With his weiner!

Jay

Randal Graves: You swung at me!
Dante Hicks: You ducked.
Randal Graves: Because you swung at me!

Dante Hicks: Can you feel it?
Randal Graves: Feel what?
Dante Hicks: Today is the first day of the rest of our lives.

Elias: If he's gonna jerk off, I'm gonna jerk off, too
Randal Graves: I don't think he's gonna jerk off.

I'm gonna kick your ass back to the Shire if you don't shut your fucking mouth.

Hobbit Lover

Randal Graves: Ladies and gentlemen, and you, Elias! Straight from the debauchery capital of the world, TI-juana Mexico!
Dante Hicks: Oh, God, no.
Randal Graves: Oh, God, yes!

Fuck off with your D&D GoBot bullshit.

Randal Graves

What's the point of having an Internet connection if you're not using it to look up weird, fucked-up pictures of dirty sex you'd never have yourself?

Randal Graves

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