Popular View Askew-niverse Quotes
I got to rent movies, fuck with assholes, and hang out with my best friend, Dante.Randal Graves
Melodrama coming from you is about as natural as a oral bowel movement.Randal Graves
Caitlin Bree: Can I use the bathroom?
Randal Graves: Sure, but there's no light back there.
Caitlin Bree: Why aren't there any lights?
Randal Graves: Well, there are, but for some reason they stop working at 5:14 every night. Nobody can figure it out. And the boss doesn't want to pay the electrician to fix it, because the electrician owes money to the video store.
Caitlin Bree: Such a sordid state of affairs.
Randal Graves: And I'm caught right in the middle - torn between my loyalty to the boss and my desire to piss with the lights on.
Caitlin Bree: Well, I'll try to manage.
Randal Graves: Oh, hey Caitlin, break his heart again this time, and I'll kill ya. Nothing personal.
I feel good today, Silent Bob, we're gonna make some money, then you know what we're going to do? We're gonna go to that party, and we're gonna get some pussy, and I'm gonna fuck this bitch, and fuck this bitch, I'll fuck ANYTHING THAT MOVES! What the fuck you lookin at, I'll kick yo fuckin ass! Shit yeah. Doesn't that fucker owe me 10 bucks? You know, fuckin tonight, we're gonna rip off that fucker's head, and take out his fuckin' SOUL. Hey, what's up baby, what's up, sluts?Jay
My mom's been fuckin' a dead guy for 30 years. I call him dad.Randal Graves
I've had some girlfriends too, but all they wanted from me was weed and shit.Jay
Dante Hicks: It wasn't me.
Caitlin Bree: [scoffs] Yeah, right. Who was it? Randal?
Dante Hicks: [to Randal] Was it you?
Randal Graves: I was up here the whole time.
Caitlin Bree: You two better quit it.
Dante Hicks: I'm serious.
Caitlin Bree: So, we didn't jus have sex in the bathroom?
Dante Hicks: No.
Caitlin Bree: Stop it. This isn't funny.
Dante Hicks: I'm not kidding. I just came in from outside.
Caitlin Bree: This isn't fucking funny Dante!
Dante Hicks: I'm not fooling around!
Dante Hicks: Who went back there?
Randal Graves: Nobody, I swear!
Caitlin Bree: I feel nauseous.
Dante Hicks: Are you sure there's somebody back there?
Caitlin Bree: Well I didn't just fuck myself! Jesus Christ, I think I'm gonna be sick!
Randal Graves: You just fucked a total stranger?
Dante Hicks: Shut the fuck up!
Caitlin Bree: I can't believe this...
Dante Hicks: Call the police!
Caitlin Bree: No, don't!
Randal Graves: Why?
Dante Hicks: Because there's a stranger in our bathroom and he just raped Caitlin!
Randal Graves: But she said that she did all the work.
Dante Hicks: Would you shut the fuck up! Who the fuck's in our bathroom?
Randal Graves: If you break Dante's heart again, I'll kill you. Nothing personal.
Caitlin Bree: You sure are protective of Dante.
Dante Hicks: Are there any balls down there?
Jay: About the biggest pair you ever seen, dingleberry!
Dante Hicks: Hey, whatcha rent? "Best of Both Worlds"?
Randal Graves: Hermaphroditic porn. Starlets with both organs. You should see the box. Beautiful chicks with dicks that put mine to shame.
Dante Hicks: And you rented this?
Randal Graves: Hey, I like to expand my horizons.