Wayne Campbell: Or, imagine, being able to be magically whisked away to... Delaware.
[pauses]
Wayne Campbell: Hi. I'm in Delaware.

We fear change.

Garth Algar

Garth Algar: Do you ever get the feeling Benjamin's just using us?
Wayne Campbell: Good call. It's like he wants us to be liked by everyone. I mean Led Zeppelin didn't write tunes everybody liked. They left that to the Bee Gees.

Garth Algar: Uhm, Wayne? What do you do if every time you see this one incredible woman, you think you're gonna hurl?
Wayne Campbell: I say hurl. If you blow chunks and she comes back, she's yours. But if you spew and she bolts, then it was never meant to be.

Honey Horne: Take me, Garth!
Garth: Where? I'm low on gas and you need a jacket.

Benjamin is nobody's friend. If Benjamin were an ice cream flavor, he'd be pralines and dick.

Garth Algar

I once thought I had mono for an entire year. It turned out I was just really bored.

Wayne Campbell

Wayne: Who are you?
Jim: I'm Jim Morrison.
Wayne: And who's he?
Jim: A weird naked indian.

Wayne: Here we are, at Piccadilly Circus!
Garth: Wow, what a shitty circus.
Wayne: Good call. There's no animals or clowns! What a ripoff!

Garth, marriage is punishment for shoplifting in some countries.

Wayne Campbell

Stacy: Happy anniversary, Wayne.
Wayne Campbell: Stacy, we broke up two months ago.
Stacy: Well, that doesn't mean we can't still go out, does it?
Wayne Campbell: Well, it does actually, that's what breaking up is.

Tiny: Wayne. How you doin'?
Wayne Campbell: Hey, Tiny, who's playing today?
Tiny: Jolly Green Giants and the Shitty Beetles.
Wayne Campbell: Shitty Beetles? Are they any good?
Tiny: They suck.
Wayne Campbell: Then it's not just a clever name.

FREE Movie Newsletter