Wayne: Look Garth it's Heather Locklear and she's signaling to us. There is a god!
Garth: Heather be thy name.
Wayne, Garth: Scwiiiiiiiiing!

Concert Nerd #1: Aren't you those two guys from that TV show, Wayne's World?
Wayne: No.
Concert Nerd #2: Well, you guys sure look like them.
Garth: Look, if Wayne says we're not, we're not, okay?

Garth: Wayne, we don't wanna end the movie this way, do we?
Wayne: Good call. Let's do the "Thelma and Louise" ending!

Wayne: Here we are, at Piccadilly Circus!
Garth: Wow, what a shitty circus.
Wayne: Good call. There's no animals or clowns! What a ripoff!

Wayne: Who are you?
Jim: I'm Jim Morrison.
Wayne: And who's he?
Jim: A weird naked indian.

Wayne: Excuse me, what are you guys doing here in the middle of the street?
Chicken-man: Well, I'm putting these chickens in crates, and stacking them right here. Jim's job is to make sure we always have plenty of watermelons.
Wayne: Oh, so you're selling watermelons.
Jim: No, no sir. We just have to make sure we have plenty of them stacked at all times, just like with these here chickens.
Garth: What do these guys do?
Chicken-man: Well, their job is to walk back and forth with this big plate-glass window every couple of minutes.
Garth: Weird.
Wayne: Yeah, you've got to wonder if this is gonna pay off later on.

Honey Horne: Take me, Garth!
Garth: Where? I'm low on gas and you need a jacket.

Honey Horne: I'm goning to be frank.
Garth: OK. Can I still be Garth?

Honey Horne: I bet you like to be in control...
Garth: Yes, like when I was 17, my sister wanted to loan my Def Leppard. I said "No way!".

Del Preston: Alright, ladies and gentlemen. It takes two people to run a concert: one back stage, and one out front. One man alone cannot do this. Wayne, you will run the backstage team. Milton, you are my liaison between Wayne's backstage team and Garth's front-stage team which includes myself in the booth. To the left and right of the stage are machine-gun pillboxes, M-60 Browning. Now these babies tend to heat up so shoot in 3 second bursts. In the event of capture I will personally distribute these cyanide capsules to be placed under the tongue like so.
[Places a capsule in his mouth]
Del Preston: Any questions?
Garth: Yes, I have a question. When did you turn into a nutbar?

Garth: How can you sleep like that?
Del Preston: Listen, sonny Jim. Sleeping like this will add ten years to your life. I learned it from Keith Richards when I toured with the Stones. This may be the reason why Keith cannot be killed by conventional weapons.

Del Preston: Woodstock? That was quite a show, man.
Garth: You were at Woodstock?
Wayne: Excellent! What was it like?
Del Preston: It rained all morning, and then it cleared up in the afternoon. And that's it, I almost remembered something else, but it's gone.

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