Hey, Carmine, let me ask you something. What sets off the metal detectors first? The lead in your ass or the shit in your brains? Fat fuck.

John McClane

Just once, I'd like a regular, normal Christmas. A little eggnog... a fuckin' Christmas tree... a little turkey. But, no. I gotta crawl around in this motherfuckin' tin can.

John McClane

Chopper Pilot: What's the matter, cowboy? Ride too rough?
John McClane: I don't like to fly.
Samantha Coleman: Then what are you doing here?
John McClane: I don't like to lose either.

Al Powell: You ain't pissing in somebody's pool, are you?
John McClane: Yeah, and I'm fresh out of chlorine.

Oh man, I can't fucking believe this. Another basement, another elevator. How can the same thing happen to the same guy twice?

John McClane

Grant: You're the wrong guy at the wrong place at the wrong time.
John McClane: Story of my life.

John McClane: I guess I was wrong about you. You're not such an asshole after all.
Grant: Oh, you were right about me. I'm just your kind of asshole.

Holly McClane: They told me there were terrorists at the airport.
John McClane: Yeah, I heard that too.

Marvin: So you like that one huh? How 'bout you give me twenty bucks for it?
John McClane: How 'bout I let you live?
Marvin: Man sure knows how to bargain.

Where's the fuckin door?

John McClane

John McClane: What do you say, Marv?
Marvin: I'll be damned if I'm gonna clean up this mess.

Morgue Worker: Hey. You're supposed to do that at the morgue.
John McClane: Not anymore. Got a new SOP for DOA's from the FAA.

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