Ryan: [Ryan and Ethan are discussing a place to meet] Santa Monica Pier.
Ethan: No, too busy.
Ryan: Yeah, that's kind of the idea, dickhead.

[talking to Ryan on a payphone]
Chad: Dude, I have no idea what just happened. One minute I'm talking to nipples, next thing you know, I'm wearing a whale costume handing out flyers.
Ryan: [laughs] That sucks. Sounds like she got you.
Chad: I mean, I'm not saying it doesn't have its benefits.
[to two girls that pass him by]
Chad: Hey, you guys know that a blue whale's got an 11-foot penis? Heal the Bay.

Ryan: Look, give me your phone or I shoot your car.
Lawyer: Oh, hell no, hell no. Why would you do something awful like that?

[first lines]
Ricky Martin: Mom, will you still be a science teacher when I get into high school?
Jessica Martin: Hmm... You never know. Why?
Ricky Martin: 'Cause I think it'd be kind of weird to have your mom as a teacher.

From here on out, you do as I say, exactly as I say. Or I slap this bitch on "Nightline" and call it a day, okay?


Lawyer: [on cell phone] I'm tellin' ya, I'm sitting in it right now. It's a brand new Porsche Carrera. The partners gave it to me. Mm-Hm, sugar. Brand new, arctic blue convertible. It goes zero to 60 in 5.2 seconds. Takes the girls' panties down in 3.5 seconds.
[Phone call gets distrupted]
WLSUU2 Lawyer: Hey, this is a private call. Get off my line! Mom, are you still there?

Okay, fine... I'm getting out my checkbook. Who do I make it out to? "Lady Who Sucks?"


Tenth grade biology. Brachial artery... pumps 30 liters of blood a minute. There's only five in the human body. I'm sorry.

Jessica Martin

[last lines]
Jessica Martin: I don't know if there's anything I could ever do to thank you
Ryan: I do. Don't ever call me again.

Ryan: It doesn't make any sense, I give you the video, then you turn around and take us out.
Greer: I swore I wouldn't do that.
Ryan: Just like you swore "to protect and serve"?

We had a report of a possible kidnapping. You haven't been kidnapped today, have you?


Jessica Martin: When I didn't show up for work today someone called the police, I'm sure.
Greer: You better hope they didn't.

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