Alex: Oh, my God, you're hit!
Jason Gibbons: No, it's nothing. I mean the squibs hurt a little when they go off but... what happened to my trailer?
Alex: Jason
Jason Gibbons: Were you in there while that happened? I mean, look at it!
Alex: Jason, I haven't been completely honest with you. I'm not a bikini waxer.
Jason Gibbons: Bummer. I mean... that was kind of a turn on.

Charlie: Once upon a time there were three very different little girls who grew up to be three very different women with three things in common: they're brilliant, they're beautiful, and they work for me. My name is Charlie.

Never send a man to do a woman's job.

Vivian Wood

Roger Corwin: You're very good. With your hands. I could use someone like you on my staff.
Alex: Thanks for the offer but my hands aren't going anywhere near your staff.

The Chad... is stuck.


Eric Knox: So where we going, House of Pancakes or The Sizzler?
Vivian Wood: What are you, the cheapest man on the planet?

Chad: Is it the eggs?
Dylan: It's not the eggs.
Chad: Is it the boat?
Dylan: No, it's not the boat, I have to go though.
Chad: Is it the Chad?
Dylan: It might be the Chad.
Chad: The Chad... It's the Chad!
[Chad falls into the water]

Chad: Starfish, I would just like to say that I'm honored, honored to see you taking an interest in my work and I also think you're very pretty and... (sees girls getting scuba gear on) Starfish? Where are you going? Starfish are you going swimming? Where are you going? Where are you going again Starfish? Was it the Chad?
Dylan: No the Chad was great.
Chad: The Chad was great.

[one of Alex's muffins is embedded in the door]
Bosley: What do you call this?
Dylan: Chinese fighting muffin.
Bosley: That's not funny. A friend of mine took a fighting muffin in the chest; they sent him home in four Ziploc bags.

Charlie: Good morning, angels.
Dylan, Natalie, Alex: Good morning, Charlie!

Jack Payne: You know what they say is the first thing that a man feels when he shoots a civilian?
Bob Lee Swagger: The recoil of the rifle?
Jack Payne: [snickers] Yeah.
Bob Lee Swagger: Very original.

Bob Lee Swagger: Suppose I was looking for man who could make a 2200 yard cold bore shot, who's alive that could do that?
Mr. Rate: Seems I heard about a shot like that being made not too long ago, said the guy's name was Bob Lee Swagger. Never met him my end, so I wouldn't know.
Bob Lee Swagger: Ya, they said that alright.
Mr. Rate: They also said that artificial sweeteners were safe, WMDs were in Iraq and Anna Nicole married for love.

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