Comedy Quotes
Luvven Coddle: I sense a, a yearning in you. A, a searching, almost, as if you're lost. You've been lost for a long, long time. Am I right? You found Jesus, Al.
Al Fountain: Why? Is he missing?
[after Al fix his car] Look at that! You're a goddamn wizard, Al!
The Kid
[after Al tells him that professional wrestling is fake] Uh, Al, I know you must be smart because you have a scientific-style job, but if this shit is fake and everyone knows it's fake, why the hell would anybody waste their time watching it?
The Kid
The Kid: [At the swimming hole] We're only wearing suits because you're here. Usually we go naked.
Purlene DupreFloatie Dupre: So do we.
The Kid: Well, why don't we all take our suits off, then?
Purlene Dupre: Look, peckerhead, I ain't losin' the goddamned suit.
The Kid: You used to be a cheerleader, didn't you?
Purlene Dupre: Yeah, in the fourth fuckin' grade.
The Kid: And your hair's not really blonde, is it?
Purlene Dupre: Yes, it is.
Floatie Dupre: No it's not, her hair's red, she's a redhead, she's got a bright red bush.
Al Fountain: I can't believe it. I've been looking all over for this place. I don't know why, really. I spent a couple of days there when I was a kid, and, and I just remember having a really good time.
Old Motel Clerk: Me, too. My brother and I drowned a cat there once.
Al Fountain: Is that right?
Susan Cooper: My real name is... Amber Valentine.
Rayna Boyanov: What are you, a porn star?
How do you like my English accent? I learned it from the Downton Abbey!
Aldo
Nancy B. Artingstall: I'm very non-physically resourceful. I read a lot of intelligence, I read a lot of poems, and I've read all of the Hunger Games.
Rayna Boyanov: How is that helpful?
Susan Cooper: Well, here's to your mom.
Rayna Boyanov: To my mother. And to you.
Susan Cooper: And here's to you. I mean you may never be as wise as an owl but you'll always be a hoot to me! Haha.
Rayna Boyanov: What a stupid fucking retarded toast. You're delightful.
Susan Cooper: As are you.
Rayna Boyanov: Fuck! People are trying to kill me and all that's left of my security guard is you two, and you look like someone's demented aunts on vacation! You!
Rayna Boyanov: Don't you have someone in your team other than this asthmatic Big Bird?
Nancy B. Artingstall: Do you know what? You play it too safe.
Susan Cooper: Oh maybe you're right. I just... I still, you know, hear my mom's voice... "well-behaved women often make history."
Nancy B. Artingstall: Yes you do know the phrase is, "well-behaved women *seldom* make history."
Susan Cooper: Yeah that's never how she said it.
Nancy B. Artingstall: What were her others, uh...
Susan Cooper: Oh, "just blend in, let somebody else win."
Nancy B. Artingstall: Classic.
Susan Cooper: I got that a lot in high school. And there was, "give up on your dreams, Susan." She used to write that in my lunchbox.
