Favorite Comedy Quotes
Jay: Yo man, tell me something about me.
Rufus: You masturbate more than anyone on the planet.
Jay: Aww, fuck, everyone knows that. Tell me something nobody knows.
Rufus: When you do it, you're thinking about guys.
[shocked Silent Bob stares at Jay]
Jay: Dude, not all the time.
Lee: That's Ricky Tan.
James Carter: That's Ricky Tan? Man, that's a midget in a bathrobe!
Harry Sanborn: I love ya.
Erica Barry: Well, I love you too! If that's what you said. I don't know if it ends in a 'ya' if it's a true 'I love you.'
Harry Sanborn: You're not like anybody.
Hell, no. I did *not* leave the South Side for this!Mr. Duvall
Chastity: I know you can be overwhelmed, and you can be underwhelmed, but can you ever just be whelmed?
Bianca: I think you can in Europe.
Raoul Duke: Look, there's two women fucking a polar bear!
Dr. Gonzo: Don't tell me these things. Not now man.
Leo: What's your name?
Ulla: Ulla Inga Hansen Bensen Yansen Tallen Hallen Svadon Swanson.
Max: What's your first name?
Ulla: That was my first name. Would you like to know my last name?
Max: We don't have the time.
License and registration... chicken fucker.Farva
Napoleon Dynamite: Pedro, how do you feel about that one?
Pedro: It looks nice.
Napoleon Dynamite: Yeah, it looks pretty sweet. It looks awesome. That suit, it's... it's incredible.
Nicholas Angel: I didn't mean to upset the apple cart.
DS Andy Cartwright: Oh yeah, cause we all sell apples around here, don't we?
Sergeant Turner: You do sell apples don't you?
DS Andy Cartwright: Yeah, and raspberries.
Vinny Gambini: I object to this witness being called at this time. We've been given no prior notice he'd testify. No discovery of any tests he's conducted or reports he's prepared. And as the court is aware, the defense is entitled to advance notice of any witness who will testify, particularly those who will give scientific evidence, so that we may properly prepare for cross-examination, as well as give the defense an opportunity to have the witness's reports reviewed by a defense expert, who might then be in a position to contradict the veracity of his conclusions.
Judge Chamberlain Haller: Mr. Gambini?
Vinny Gambini: Yes, sir?
Judge Chamberlain Haller: Mr. Gambini, that is a lucid, intelligent, well thought-out objection.
Vinny Gambini: Thank you.
Judge Chamberlain Haller: Overruled.
Cedric (to Shannon Brown and Ron Artest/Metta World Peace): Why don't you and the stronger version of Prince go back down to that side of the court and do what y'all was doing. Cause if y'all want the court, you'll play us for the court like real men.
Ron Artest/Metta World Peace: So y'all wanna play for it?
Cedric: You heard what I said... am I stuttering?