Favorite Comedy Quotes
Filmmaker: Do you have any other talents?
Cody Maverick: Heh, you mean like, singin' and dancin'? Naw, man, I just surf.
How do you defend yourself against a man with a dildo?BrÃ¼no
When the fuck did we get ice cream?Winston
Nicholas Angel: [turning around to face a group of school children] Are there any questions?
Danny Butterman: [sitting at the back of a group of school children] Is it true that there's a point on a man's head where if you shoot it, it will blow up?
Hedley Lamarr: [cuts in line] You dropped your beads. One please... Uhh... Student?
Cashier: Are you kidding?
Hedley Lamarr: Pain in the ASS...
[in the middle of a class lecture] Rock stars have kidnapped my son!Elaine Miller
Jim's Dad: And who might you be?
Stifler's Mom: I'm Stifler's mom.
Jim's Dad: Oh! I'm Jim's dad...
Wichita: Let's play the quiet game.
Columbus: I just wanna say...
Wichita: You've never played the quiet game, have you?
OK... First I'll access the secret military spy satelite that is in geosynchronous orbit over the midwest. Then I'll ID the limo by the vanity plate "MR. BIGGG" and get his approximate position. Then I'll reposition the transmission dish on the remote truck to 17.32 degrees east, hit WESTAR 4 over the Atlantic, bounce the signal back into the aerosphere up to COMSAT 6, beam it back to SATCOM 2 transmitter number 137 and down on the dish on the back of Mr. Big's limo... It's almost too easy.Garth Algar
Good morning Mr. Bassett, this is your wake up call. Please move your ass.Valentine McKee
You know what this is? A wing, and you are under it. All three of you, right there.Drillbit Taylor
Mr. Mackey: I want to know where you heard all this horrific obscenities, m'kay?
Stan: We heard them from Mr. Garrison a few times before.
Mr. Mackey: Boys, I seriously doubt that Mr Garrison ever said: "Eat penguin shit, you ass spelunker."