Favorite Comedy Quotes
I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.Harry Burns
Watch out, the yellow ones don't stop!Buddy
Royal: Can I say something to you, Henry?
Henry Sherman: Okay.
Royal: I've always been considered an asshole for about as long as I can remember. Uhh, that's just my style. But I'd really feel blue if I didn't think you were going to forgive me.
Henry Sherman: I don't think you're an asshole, Royal, I just think you're kind of a son of a bitch.
Royal: Well, I really appreciate that.
Jane: I think you should just admit that you're a big softy. That this whole cynical thing is just an act so that you can seem wounded, and mysterious, and sexy.
Kevin: [pause] . Woah, woah, woah. What was the last one?
Kevin: Did you say sexy?
Kevin: Do you think I'm sexy?
Kevin: Its OK if you do.
Jane: I don't.
In my country, a woman's mastery of her gastronomical releases is considered the ultimate aphrodisiac!Taj
Randal Graves. You work here too? Jesus, anyone else from our graduating class back there?Lance Dowds
Max: All Halloween I've been running into someone I used to know.
Penelope: [wearing a pig mask] This someone - she meant a lot to you?
Max: Yes, yes she did.
Penelope: What happened?
Max: I couldn't give her what she wanted.
Penelope: What did she want?
Max: To be free.
Jacob [discussing "the butterfly effect"]: "... like, you step on a bug, and the f***in' Internet's never invented."
Lou: "Oh, then you have to talk to girls with your mouth."
Walter Sobchak: Fucking Germans. Nothing changes. Fucking Nazis.
Donny: They were Nazis, Dude?
Walter Sobchak: Oh, come on Donny, they were threatening castration! Are we gonna split hairs here?
Gimbel's Santa: Let the kid talk.
Buddy: You disgust me! How can you live with yourself?
Gimbel's Santa: Just cool it, Zippy.
Buddy: You sit on a throne of lies.
I'm sorry, yo. I don't wanna be the first nigga to die from a crossbow!Thurgood Jenkins
Who wants cream? Nobody? Okay, no cream.Farva