Favorite Comedy Quotes
Kumar: [in surgery] Hang on a second, nurse. What we should probably use is marijuana. That'll sufficiently sedate the patient for surgery.
Male Nurse: Marijuana?... But why?
Kumar: We don't have time for questions. We need marijuana now, as much of it as possible! Like a big bag of it.
Lawrence Jamieson: Freddy, as a younger man, I was a sculptor, a painter, and a musician. There was just one problem: I wasn't very good. As a matter of fact, I was dreadful. I finally came to the frustrating conclusion that I had taste and style, but not talent. I knew my limitations. We all have our limitations, Freddy. Fortunately, I discovered that taste and style were commodities that people desired. Freddy, what I am saying is: know your limitations. You are a moron.
I'm a guy. Since when do we get anything right the first time?Hitch
Why do people have to love people anyway?Fran Kubelik
Airplane Stewardess: [lisping] Peanuts?
Ace: Yes, I have one right here. It's bulky, but I consider it carry-on.
Danny Ocean: I know how that makes me feel. I know what that makes me wanna do.
Rusty Ryan: I was really hoping to avoid that this time.
Officer: Okay, you're out. On the condition that you never enter your daughter in a beauty pageant in the state of California, ever again. Ever.
Frank: I think we can live with that.
Annie Savoy: Listen, sweetheart, you shouldn't listen to what a woman says when she's in the throes of passion. They say the darndest things.
Ebby Calvin LaLoosh: Yeah, you said "Crash"!
Annie Savoy: Honey, would you rather I were making love to him using your name, or making love to you using his name?
Gill: My first escape. Landed on dentist tools. I was aiming for the toilet.
Nemo: The toilet?
Gill: All drains lead to the ocean, kid.
Nemo: Wow. How may times have you tried to get out?
Gill: Ah, I lost count.
Jacob [scoping out the ski resort]: " I'm gonna make a prediction right now: One of us is gonna start writing a novel, and then we all get snowed in, and then Lou's gonna axe-murder all of us."
Adolescence is a marketing tool.Elaine Miller
There is no perfect cookie!Suzie Barnes-Eilhauer