Favorite Comedy Quotes
Jerry Lundegaard: Well, we've never done this before. But seeing as it's special circumstances and all, he says I can knock a hundred dollars off that Trucoat.
Irate Customer: A hundred... You lied to me, Mr Lundegaard. You're a bald-faced liar. A... fucking liar. Where's my goddamn checkbook? Let's get this over with.
Shut the fuck up, Donny.Walter Sobchak
Brodie: The usual vault rules apply: Touch not, lest ye be touched.
T.S. Quint: You're such an anal retentive bastard.
Brodie: Hey, I tried to teach you how to handle comics in the sixth grade, but oh no. You wanted to play little league.
Why don't you tell your daddy to comb his damn hair, look like some spiders is having a meetin' on his head.Smokey
They're filming midgets!Ray
Peter's mom: Peter always connected better with women.
Zooey: You know, I can see that because he is a great boyfriend.
Peter: Thank you fiancee.
Peter's dad: Also, you got to understand, Zooey, Peter matured sexually at a very early age. I remember taking him swimming when he was twelve-years-old, kid had a bush like a forty-year-old Serbian.
Peter: Oh come on!
Oh, and next Friday is Hawaiian shirt day. [silence] So, you know, if you want to you can go ahead and wear a Hawaiian shirt and jeans.Bill Lumbergh
Ronnie Barnhardt: Yuens, you guys are my infantry. One of you dies, God gave me another one.
Matt Yuen: Okay.
John Yuen: Awesome.
No milk will ever be our milk.Veronica Vaughn
This is Tom Hanks saying if you see me in person, please, leave me be.Tom Hanks
Jedediah: No problemo, Gigantor.
Larry: Um, my names Larry, first of all okay, Jed? See I call you Jed, I don't call you tiny.
Jedediah: What's that supposed to mean?
Larry: Hey teeny, how does that sound?
Jedediah: I... I don't like it. It hurts my feelings.
Larry: Okay, well Gigantor makes me sound like a freak.
Octavius: I don't. I just call you Larry.
Larry: Don't be a kiss-ass.
I say, why don't you guys locate your dicks, remove the shrink wrap, and fucking *use* them!Steve Stifler