Filmmaker: Do you have any other talents?
Cody Maverick: Heh, you mean like, singin' and dancin'? Naw, man, I just surf.

Larry Daley: You know how you were telling me that the key to happiness was something but then the sun came up? I think I figured it out. It's doing what you love.
Teddy Roosevelt: I was going to say diet and exercise, but the love thing is good.

Alan Garner: Hey Phil, look!
[laughs hysterically while miming the baby masturbating]
Alan Garner: He's jackin' his little weenus!
Phil Wenneck: Pull yourself together, bro!
Alan Garner: Not at the table, Carlos!

Dudley Frank: I got a tat.
Doug Madsen: Hell just froze over.
Woody Stevens: Let's see it!
Dudley Frank: I'm a biker dude! -Shows tattoo of Apple logo
Woody Stevens: It's an Apple.
Dudley Frank: I know, it's trademarked, but what are they gonna say... It's in my skin, bitch!

Barry Badrinath: [about Great Gam Gam] All I'm saying is... that whore thing could be a real possibility. Some of my best friends are whores.
Jan Wolfhouse: We know, Barry.

Alvin: Last one to the door is road kill!
[runs to the door]
Simon: I'm in!
[runs to the door]
Theodore: [distracted by a Christmas ornament] Uhm... what is this shiny thing?
Simon: [goes back to Theodore] Theodore, we're leaving now.
Theodore: Oh.

...I'm Sorry Wendy, but I don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die.

Mr. Garrison

Let us go get the shit kicked out of us by love.


Deacon: These miscreants...
Rickey: Miscreants? We are African-Americans!

How do you defend yourself against a man with a dildo?


Hell to the yeah!


He's got you on a pedestal and me in his arms.

Kimmy Wallace

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