Favorite Comedy Quotes
Dory: Have you seen a clown fish swim by? It looks just like him.
[points at Nemo]
Nemo: But bigger.
Crab: Yeah, I saw him, Bluey, but I'm not telling you where he went, and there's no way you're gonna make me.
[Dory holds crab out of water]
Seagulls: Mine. Mine. Mine.
Crab: Ahh! All right! I'll talk! I'll talk! He went to the fishing grounds!
I don't read the script. The script reads me.Kirk Lazarus
Angie Anderson: Fuck you Dale. I lost my virginity when I was fourteen, okay? How many women have you even slept with?
Dale Denton: Like two and a half.
Angie Anderson: Two and a half? What the fuck does that mean? Your hand doesn't count.
Everybody panic! If you have a small child, use it as a shield! They love tender meat.Jackie Moon
Bear... bearfucker, do you need assistance?Officer Smy
Come on, Thorny, what game are you playing here? I can say "meow". I can say "moo". For twenty bucks, I'll call the guy a "chicken fucker".Farva
I was gonna have you sing 'Burn it Up' by the Jonas Brothers, but then I remembered you don't like Indie music.Alan
I'm Winston Zeddmore, Your Honor. I've only been with the company for a couple of weeks, but these things are real. Since I joined these men, I've seen shit that'll turn you white.Winston Zeddemore
Years ago I wrote this short story about my Mother called "The Castrating Zionist"Isaac Davis
Mitch Burns: I swear, the minute I saw her I felt like I was in the room with an angel.
Dan Burns: Yeah, well, this corn is an angel.
Hey you guys ready to let the dogs out?Alan Garner
You know, we've known each other way back since, like... yesterday, I think it was.Chicken Joe