Favorite Comedy Quotes
Dream on, you little fart.
Old lady
[sitting watching "Ghost" and crying] God, I'm a fag.
Tank
This is the stupidest group of people I've ever worked with who are not legally retarded.
Lieutenant Jim Dangle
Don't stand in the way of my actualization as a man.
Lotte Schwartz
Dory: I'm thinking of something orange and small...
Marlin: Me again.
Dory: All right, Mr. Smarty pants...
Filmmaker: Do you have any other talents?
Cody Maverick: Heh, you mean like, singin' and dancin'? Naw, man, I just surf.
Jack Byrnes: Are you still physically attracted to my daughter, Greg?
Greg Focker: Pam? Are you kidding... yes, yes Jack, there's never been a problem with that.
Jack Byrnes: Even after her body has endured the hellish ordeal of birthing twins?
Greg Focker: Yes, even after that, it's all good, it's all good under the hood.
Jack Byrnes: That's disgusting.
Droz: Ladies and gentlemen, I think it's time to revive an ancient tradition we seem to have long forgotten.
Cecilia: They confiscated the altar, Droz.
Droz: No, I'm not talking about human sacrifice, Ceel. I'm talking about something we used to do every Saturday night as a matter of principle. Here's a hint. Legions of hand-stamped meatheads... in coed naked lacrosse T-shirts... power-chugging watered-down Meisterchau... regurgitating on the glue-matted floors.
Mullaney: Kiln-like temperatures, fights with townies... lines of drunken people waiting for the bathroom.
Katy: Wait a second. You guys are talking about a party.
Droz: Ding-ding-ding. Gutter, tell her what's she's won.
Motormouth Maybelle: Oh Papa Tooney. We've got a Looney.
Prudence Pingleton: Don't you try to cast one of your voodoo spells on me, native woman.
Natalie: Shelley knows how to meet guys, hence, we will learn how to meet guys.
Shelley: Yeah, hence!
Saul: BF... FF?
Dale Denton: Best Fuckin’ Friends Forever Man!
Deacon: I object!
Rickey: We all object. Answer the question.
