Favorite Comedy Quotes
[a zombie kills an obese man] Poor fat bastard.Columbus
I'm not listening to you. Youâ€™re crazy.Nacho
Miranda Hobbes: The only two choices for women; witch and sexy kitten.
Carrie Bradshaw: Oh you just said a mouthful there sister.
God damn you Walter! You fuckin' asshole! Everything's a fuckin' travesty with you, man! And what was all that shit about Vietnam? What the FUCK, has anything got to do with Vietnam? What the fuck are you talking about?The Dude
I got a full-on robot chubby.Evil Ted
Marie: Tell me I'll never have to be out there again.
Jess: You'll never have to be out there again.
Danny Ocean: I know how that makes me feel. I know what that makes me wanna do.
Rusty Ryan: I was really hoping to avoid that this time.
Marlin: Now it's my turn. I'm thinking of something dark and mysterious. It's a fish we don't know. If we ask it directions, it could ingest us and spit out our bones.
Dory: What is it with men and asking for directions?
Marlin: I don't want to play the gender card right now. You want to play a card, let's play the "let's not die" card.
Hooper: Now... Vader, he's a spiritual brother, y'know, down with the force and all that good shit. Then this cracker, Skywalker, gets his hands on a light saber and the boy decides he's gonna run the fuckin' universe; gets a whole clan of whites together. And they go and bust up Vader's hood, the Death Star. Now what the fuck do you call that?
Banky Edwards: Intergalactic civil war?
Hooper: Gentrification! They gon' drive out the black element to make the galaxy 'safe' for white folks. And Jedi's the most insulting installment! Because Vader's beautiful black visage is sullied when he pulls off his mask to reveal a feeble, crusty, old white man! They tryin' to tell us that deep inside we all wants to be white!
Banky Edwards: Well... isn't that true?
They're break-dance fighting.Mugatu
Alison Scott: Why don't you go fuck your fucking Bong?
Ben Stone: I will! I'll do it doggy style, too!
If you think that Mick Jagger will still be doing the whole rock star thing at age 50, well, then, you are sorely, sorely mistaken.Dennis Hope