Favorite Comedy Quotes
Leah: Woah check out baby big head. That thing is freaky looking.
Juno MacGuff: Excuse me? I am a sacred vessel, alright? All you've got in your stomach is Taco Bell.
Farva: Hey, let's pop some Viagras and issue tickets with raging, mega-huge boners.
Thorny: You know, Farva, only you can make a dark man blush. And no, we're not doing it.
[about calling Lana] It's what you want. It's what every white boy off the lake wants.Jackie
Jake Taylor: That's my wife...
Willie Mays Hayes: Does she know that?
Jake Taylor: Well, she would've been if I hadn't screwed it up... who's that guy she's with?
Willie Mays Hayes: I don't know. He's not wearing a nametag.
Rick Vaughn: Want me to drag him outta here, kick the sh!t out of him?
[to Ian's parents] Now, you are family. Okay. All my life, I had a lump at the back of my neck, right here. Always, a lump. Then I started menopause and the lump got bigger from the "hormonees." It started to grow. So I go to the doctor, and he did the bio... the b... the... the bios... the... b... the "bobopsy." Inside the lump he found teeth and a spinal cord. Yes. Inside the lump was my twin.Aunt Voula
[after seeing Larry slapping Dexter] Dear Lord Larry! Why are you slapping the monkey?Teddy Roosevelt
Jocelyn: [at a board meeting over the April issue] Well... they're showing a lot of florals right now, so I was thinking...
Miranda Priestly: Florals? For spring? Ground breaking.
Marlin: Where's my son? Where's Nemo?
Bloat: [frantically] Dentist! Dentist!
Marlin: What's a dentist? What is that?
Marlin: Now, what's the one thing we have to remember about the ocean?
Nemo: It's not safe.
Marlin: That's my boy.
Winston: Hey Steve, ask me ANY movie.
Steve Barker: Okay, hmm... Jaws.
Winston: That's a good movie.
Vanessa Loring: How do I look?
Bren: Like a new mom. Scared shitless.
She's the village bicycle! Everybody's had a ride.Austin Powers