Favorite Comedy Quotes
How'd it go with your lady? Carve up any ice... With your weiner?Chazz
Listen to your friend Billy Zane, he's a cool dude!Hansel
Have you not met Will Turner? He's noble, heroic - terrific soprano. Worth at least four... maybe three and a half. And did I happen to mention... he's in love? With a girl. Due to be married. Betrothed. Dividing him from her and her from him would only be half as cruel as actually allowing them to be joined in holy matrimony, eh?Jack Sparrow
Nihilists! Fuck me. I mean, say what you like about the tenets of National Socialism, Dude, at least it's an ethos.Walter Sobchak
I do this! Time after time after time! I do all this shit for other people! And then I wake up and I'm empty! I have nothing!Tiffany
Evan: You changed your name to McLovin?
Seth: It doesn't have a first name, it just says McLovin!
Evan: The guys either going think 'here's another guy with a fake ID', or here's McLovin, 25 year old Hawaiian organ donor.
Fogell: I am McLovin.
What you need is a fatty-boom-batty blunt, and I guarantee you'll be seeing a sailboat, an ocean, and maybe even some of those big-titted mermaids doing some of that lesbian shit. Look at me, look at me, you sloppy bitch!Jay
What don't I understand, Cara? Please, help me out. What is it? Is it frustrating that you can't be with this person? That there's something keeping you apart? That there's something about this person that you can connect with? And whenever you're near this person, you don't know what to say, and you say everything that's in your mind and in your heart, and you know that if you could just be together, that this person would help you become the best possible version of yourself?Dan Burns
Jack: I'm going to impale your mom on a spike and feed her dead body to my dog with syphilis.
Brad: Ha, you got me!
Becca: Your cock is so smooth!
Evan: You would too... if you were a man.
I don't want to waste another moment of my life without you in it.Andrew Largeman
If you listen to DMX, the baby comes out goin 'Ennngghhh!Oscar