Favorite Comedy Quotes
Dr. Buddy Rydell: [throws a plate of eggs] I SAID OVER EASY! [calmly] Now why did I do that?
Dave Buznik: Because I refused to spoon with you last night?
I was wondering if you would like to join me in my quarters this night... for some toast.Nacho
David Seville: Chipmunks don't talk.
Simon: Our lips are moving and words are coming out.
No I will not make out with you. Did ya hear that? this girl wants to make out with me in the middle of class. You got Chlorophyll Man up there talking about God knows what and all she can talk about is making out with me. I'm here to learn, everybody, not to make out with you. Go on with the chlorophyll.Billy Madison
Lou: "I love you, Jacob!"
Jacob: "F*** you!"
Lou: "Little scamp. They say the damnedest things, man."
Hooper: Check this shit. You got cracker farm boy Luke Skywalker, Nazi poster boy, blond hair, blue eyes. And then you got Darth Vader, the blackest brother in the galaxy, Nubian god!
Banky Edwards: What's a "Nubian"?
Hooper: Shut the fuck up!
[quoting Benjamin Franklin] Politicians are a lot like diapers. They should be changed frequently, and for the same reason.Tom Dobbs
Hitchhiker: No! No, no, not 6! I said 7. Nobody's comin' up with 6. Who works out in 6 minutes? You won't even get your heart goin, not even a mouse on a wheel.
Ted: That - good point.
Hitchhiker: 7's the key number here. Think about it. 7-Elevens. 7 doors. 7, man, that's the number. 7 chipmunks twirlin' on a branch, eatin' lots of sunflowers on my uncle's ranch. You know that old children's tale from the sea. It's like you're dreamin' about Gorgonzola cheese when it's clearly Brie time, baby. Step into my office.
Hitchhiker: 'Cause you're fuckin' fired!
[a zombie is crushed by a falling piano] Poor flat bastard.Columbus
Oh man shut your anorexic malnutrition tapeworm-having overdose on Dick Gregory Bohemian diet-drinking ass up. Leave me alone!Sidney Deane
Excuse me. I think I had better be where other people are not.Charles
Jacob [scoping out the ski resort]: " I'm gonna make a prediction right now: One of us is gonna start writing a novel, and then we all get snowed in, and then Lou's gonna axe-murder all of us."