Favorite Comedy Quotes
You look like the Fourth of July! Makes me want a hot dog real bad!Paulette
Erica Barry: What are you doing here, Harry?
Harry: Turns out the heart attack was easy to get over. You... were something else. I finally get it. I'm 63 years old... and I'm in love for the first time in my life.
That rug really tied the room together.The Dude
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to my submarine lair. It's long, hard and full of seamen! [silence] No? Nothing? Not even a titter? Tough sub...Dr. Evil
Everybody panic! If you have a small child, use it as a shield! They love tender meat.Jackie Moon
Kid in Bank: Hey, Mom! It's the guy who robbed the bank.
Tommy: I didn't rob any bank.
Kid in Bank: Oh, yeah, right. Like it was some other real fat guy with a tiny head.
Tommy: I got a tiny head?
Football season is over, Veronica. Kurt and Ram had nothing left to offer the school except for date rapes and AIDS jokes.J.D.
John: You don't think she's gonna be expecting something big, do you?
Ted: What, like anal?
Marlin: I can't read human.
Dory: Then we need to find a fish that can read this. Hey, look! Sharks!
Vinny Gambini: Does that freight train come through here at 5:00 A.M. every morning?
Hotel Clerk: No, sir, it's very unusual.
Vinny Gambini: [the next day, after Vinny was awakened by the train] Yesterday you told me that freight train hardly ever comes through here at 5:00 A.M. in the morning.
Hotel Clerk: I know. She's supposed to come through at ten after 4:00.
Wayne Campbell: Or, imagine, being able to be magically whisked away to... Delaware.
Wayne Campbell: Hi. I'm in Delaware.