Favorite Comedy Quotes
Rita: What's wrong with you?
Jack: I honestly don't know. I'll tell you the next time I see you.
Willie Mays Hayes. I hit like Mays, and I run like Hayes.Willie Mays Hayes
Patrick: Someone still has her panties in a twist.
Kat Stratford: Don't, for one minute, think that you had any effect whatsoever on my panties.
Patrick: Then what did I have an effect on?
Kat Stratford: Other than my upchuck reflex, nothing.
Carol: Oh, rats. I thought some of my friends might be here.
John Milner: Probably a couple of weeks past their bedtime.
Carol: Oh, wait, there's Dee Dee. I hope she sees me.
John Milner: Oh, shit. Dee Dee!
Sid Garner: Don't let Alan drive, because there's something wrong with him.
Doug Billings: Understood.
Sid Garner: Oh, and Phil either. I don't like him.
Well, congratulations numb nuts... you've succeeded in turning me into a frickin' Jack in the box. Get it off! Get it off! It's dark, it's dark!Dr. Evil
Mother Nature just pissed her pants, dude!Cody
Dan Burns: [after the family sees him kissing Marie] You guys broke up, right?
Mitch Burns: Two hours ago!
Phil: You're not my friend!
Alan: Don't say that Phil, are you serious? Even in America!?
Stu: You're the bearded devil!
Lou: "Who took my f***in' shoe?!"
Jacob: "Blaine apparently beat your shoe off of you, which -- I don't even know how that could f***in' happen."
Erica, you are a woman to love.Harry
I am the master of the C.L.I.T. Remember this fucking face. Whenever you see C.L.I.T., you'll see this fucking face. I make that shit work. It does whatever the fuck I tell it to. No one rules the C.L.I.T like me. Not this little fuck.Jay