Rita: What's wrong with you?
Jack: I honestly don't know. I'll tell you the next time I see you.

Willie Mays Hayes. I hit like Mays, and I run like Hayes.

Willie Mays Hayes

Patrick: Someone still has her panties in a twist.
Kat Stratford: Don't, for one minute, think that you had any effect whatsoever on my panties.
Patrick: Then what did I have an effect on?
Kat Stratford: Other than my upchuck reflex, nothing.

Carol: Oh, rats. I thought some of my friends might be here.
John Milner: Probably a couple of weeks past their bedtime.
Carol: Oh, wait, there's Dee Dee. I hope she sees me.
John Milner: Oh, shit. Dee Dee!

Sid Garner: Don't let Alan drive, because there's something wrong with him.
Doug Billings: Understood.
Sid Garner: Oh, and Phil either. I don't like him.

Well, congratulations numb nuts... you've succeeded in turning me into a frickin' Jack in the box. Get it off! Get it off! It's dark, it's dark!

Dr. Evil

Mother Nature just pissed her pants, dude!


Dan Burns: [after the family sees him kissing Marie] You guys broke up, right?
Mitch Burns: Two hours ago!

Phil: You're not my friend!
Alan: Don't say that Phil, are you serious? Even in America!?
Stu: You're the bearded devil!

Lou: "Who took my f***in' shoe?!"
Jacob: "Blaine apparently beat your shoe off of you, which -- I don't even know how that could f***in' happen."

Erica, you are a woman to love.


I am the master of the C.L.I.T. Remember this fucking face. Whenever you see C.L.I.T., you'll see this fucking face. I make that shit work. It does whatever the fuck I tell it to. No one rules the C.L.I.T like me. Not this little fuck.


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