Favorite Comedy Quotes
Vinny Gambini: I object to this witness being called at this time. We've been given no prior notice he'd testify. No discovery of any tests he's conducted or reports he's prepared. And as the court is aware, the defense is entitled to advance notice of any witness who will testify, particularly those who will give scientific evidence, so that we may properly prepare for cross-examination, as well as give the defense an opportunity to have the witness's reports reviewed by a defense expert, who might then be in a position to contradict the veracity of his conclusions.
Judge Chamberlain Haller: Mr. Gambini?
Vinny Gambini: Yes, sir?
Judge Chamberlain Haller: Mr. Gambini, that is a lucid, intelligent, well thought-out objection.
Vinny Gambini: Thank you.
Judge Chamberlain Haller: Overruled.
Please don't touch my ruffles. Put that one back.Gary
Rabinowitz: What are you reading?
Topper: Great Expectations.
Rabinowitz: Is it any good?
Topper: It's not what I'd hoped for.
"Band of Brothers" ... you should rent it sometime.Gary
Rickey: What kinda name is LeeJohn anyway?
LeeJohn: My mom had two boyfriends, Lee and John. She didn't know who my daddy was, so she named me LeeJohn.
Rickey: [after a pause] I dunno if I would have shared that.
The post-game show is brought to you by... Christ, I can't find it. To hell with it.Harry Doyle
Evan: Fogell, I don't understand why you were smoking cigarettes with those cops.
Fogell: Because I fuckin' rule?
There's a really big gap between getting your ass kicked, and having a dancing, singing sprite fool you with trickery, and then strike your throat before you know that you're even in the fight. But I wouldn't expect someone like you to understand that, because all you do is make moves from up in your ivory tower.Gary
Sara: So, you kinda like me, huh?
Hitch: No. I love you.
[sings] From the moment I heard Frau say I had a clone, I knew that I'd be safe cuz I'd never be alone. An evil doctor shouldn't speak aloud about his feelings, my hurt and my pain don't make me too appealing. I'd hoped Scott would look up to me, run the business of the family, head an evil empire just like his dear old dad, give him my love and the things I never had. Scott would think I was a cool guy, return the love I have, make me want to cry, be evil, but have my feelings too, change my life with Oprah and Maya Angelou. But Scott rejected me, c'est la vie, life is cruel, treats you unfairly, even so, a God there must be, Mini Me, you complete me.Dr. Evil
Well, what can I say about this pig that hasn't already been said? I know a lot of you folks have come out to the farm and you've seen the words, and a lot of you have asked me, 'how could this have happened?'. I don't know, but it has happened... at a time when we really don't see many miraculous things. Maybe we do. Maybe they're all right there around us everyday, we just don't know where to look. There's no denying that our own little Wilbur... he's part of something that's bigger than all of us. And life on that farm's just a whole lot better with him in it. He really is some pig.Homer Zuckerman
[to Ian's parents] Now, you are family. Okay. All my life, I had a lump at the back of my neck, right here. Always, a lump. Then I started menopause and the lump got bigger from the "hormonees." It started to grow. So I go to the doctor, and he did the bio... the b... the... the bios... the... b... the "bobopsy." Inside the lump he found teeth and a spinal cord. Yes. Inside the lump was my twin.Aunt Voula