Favorite Comedy Quotes
Raoul Duke: We are all wired into a survival trip now. No more of the speed that fueled that 60's. That was the fatal flaw in Tim Leary's trip. He crashed around America selling "consciousness expansion" without ever giving a thought to the grim meat-hook realities that were lying in wait for all the people who took him seriously... All those pathetically eager acid freaks who thought they could buy Peace and Understanding for three bucks a hit. But their loss and failure is ours too. What Leary took down with him was the central illusion of a whole life-style that he helped create... a generation of permanent cripples, failed seekers, who never understood the essential old-mystic fallacy of the Acid Culture: the desperate assumption that somebody... or at least some force - is tending the light at the end of the tunnel.
Is that... is that hair gel?Mary
All right, I gotta get this speck up to the top of Mount Nool A.S.A.P, whatever that means, probably act swiftly awesome packaderm! I mean, how hard can that be?Horton
Richard Hayden: Oh that sounds good: melted chocolate inside the dash, that really ups the resale value.
Tommy: I think you'll be okay here, they have a thin candy shell. 'Surprised you didn't know that.
Richard Hayden: I think your brain has a thick candy shell.
Tommy: Your... Your brain has the shell on it.
Richard Hayden: Are you talking?
Tommy: Shut up, Richard.
Hell to the no!Rasputia
Mrs. Plum: Stephanie started a new job!
Stephanie Plum: Yeah, I did. I just got a gun.
Mrs. Plum: Whoa! (Grandma Mazur checks out the gun and proceeds to shoot the chicken sitting on the dinner table)
Mrs. Plum: Put the gun away, ma!
Mr. Plum: She belongs in a home.
Grandma Mazur: Shot that sucker in the gumpy...
Ms. Perky: So, I hear you were terrorizing Mr. Morgan's class... again.
Kat Stratford: Expressing my opinion is not a terrorist action.
Ms. Perky: The way you expressed your opinion to Bobby Ridgeway? By the way, his testicle retrieval operation went quite well, in case you're interested.
Kat Stratford: I still maintain that he kicked himself in the balls.
Nigel: [quietly] Okay, don't make any sudden moves. Hop inside my mouth... if you want to live.
Marlin: Hop in your mouth, huh? And how does that make me live?
Nigel: Because I can take you to your son.
Marlin: Yeah, right.
Nigel: No, I know your son. He's orange and has a gimpy fin on one side.
Marlin: That's Nemo!
Marlin: They've just got to grow up some... THE DROP OFF? THEY'RE GOING TO THE DROP OFF? WHAT ARE YOU, INSANE? WHY DON'T WE FRY THEM UP NOW AND SERVE THEM WITH CHIPS?
Bob: Hey Marty, calm down.
Marlin: Don't tell me to be calm, pony boy.
Bob: Pony boy?
Bill: You know for a clownfish, he really isn't that funny.
Mr. Ray: Well, hello Nemo. Who's this?
Nemo: Exchange student.
Squirt: I'm from the EAC, dude.
Mr. Ray: Sweet!
Nemo, Squirt: Totally!
Becca Crane: Edward!
Team Edward: Edward? Where?
[sees Edward glittering in the sun]
Team Edward: Edward, we love you. You're the best.
Team Jacob: No, Jacob's the best!
[smacks Team Edward's face with a shovel]
Doves make you look bad-ass!Jenko