Favorite Comedy Quotes
Throw to first... Hayes is picked off! Personally, I think we got hosed on that call.Harry Doyle
[to Jake] Cerrano's looking for some extra power for tonight. He's looking to sacrifice a live chicken. Man, we can't have people puking in the locker room before the game!Willie Mays Hayes
Prince Edward: Have you any last words?
Robert: You have got to be kidding me!
Prince Edward: Strange words.
But you know the thing about romance is people only get together right at the very end.Sam
Kip: It's a time machine, Napoleon. We bought it online.
Napoleon Dynamite: Yeah, right.
Kip: It works, Napoleon. You don't even know.
David Seville: You know, if I were to make a list of the worst days of my life, guess what? This day would be on top of the list!
Alvin: And it's still early!
Bueller?... Bueller?... Bueller?Economics Teacher
I am never satisfied... it is a curse!Chazz
Bethany: Were they sent to Hell?
Metatron: Worse. Wisconsin. For the entire span of human history.
No I will not make out with you. Did ya hear that? this girl wants to make out with me in the middle of class. You got Chlorophyll Man up there talking about God knows what and all she can talk about is making out with me. I'm here to learn, everybody, not to make out with you. Go on with the chlorophyll.Billy Madison
The Master of the Revels despises us all for vagrants and peddlers of bombast. But my father, James Burbage, had the first license to make a company of players from Her Majesty, and he drew from poets the literature of the age. We must show them that we are men of parts. Will Shakespeare has a play. I have a theatre. The Curtain is yours.Richard Burbage
Mason: [after being punched in the nuts] Why?
Tipper: You know why!