Favorite Comedy Quotes
Throw to first... Hayes is picked off! Personally, I think we got hosed on that call.Harry Doyle
[to Jake] Cerrano's looking for some extra power for tonight. He's looking to sacrifice a live chicken. Man, we can't have people puking in the locker room before the game!Willie Mays Hayes
She's sweet, but she's fucked-up.Herman Blume
Emmett: You know what I thought when I first met you?
Elle: God, that woman wears a lot of pink?
Kip: It's a time machine, Napoleon. We bought it online.
Napoleon Dynamite: Yeah, right.
Kip: It works, Napoleon. You don't even know.
Barry Badrinath: [about Great Gam Gam] All I'm saying is... that whore thing could be a real possibility. Some of my best friends are whores.
Jan Wolfhouse: We know, Barry.
Walter Stratford: Hello, Katarina. Make anyone cry today?
Kat Stratford: Sadly, no. But it's only 4:30.
Bueller?... Bueller?... Bueller?Economics Teacher
I am never satisfied... it is a curse!Chazz
Bethany: Were they sent to Hell?
Metatron: Worse. Wisconsin. For the entire span of human history.
Brian Johnson: I'm a fucking idiot because I can't make a lamp?
John Bender: No. You're a genius because you can't make a lamp.
No I will not make out with you. Did ya hear that? this girl wants to make out with me in the middle of class. You got Chlorophyll Man up there talking about God knows what and all she can talk about is making out with me. I'm here to learn, everybody, not to make out with you. Go on with the chlorophyll.Billy Madison