Favorite Comedy Quotes
Janey: I read Sylvia Plath, I listen to Bikini Kill and I eat Tofu. I am a unique rebel.
Mitch: It sounds more like you're a lesbo.
Mr. Briggs: Hey, Mitch, now leave your sister alone.
Janey: Thank you, daddy.
Mr. Briggs: If Janey wants to be a rug-muncher, that's her decision.
Some people carry a rabbit's foot, I like to rock a pocket of puke.
Robert 'Fish' Fishman
Fuck this clown
Columbus
Billy Madison: I swear to God I'm sick. I can't go to school.
Juanita: If you're gonna stay home today, you can help me shave my armpits.
Billy Madison: Oh my God. I'll go to school.
Ramón: You just got to do exactly what I say!
Mumble: Okay.
Ramón: Did I say "okay"?
Mumble: No.
Ramón: No. What did I say?
Mumble: Do exactly what you say.
Ramón: EXACTLY what I say!
Sam: Daniel, I have a plan!
Daniel: Thank the Lord! Tell me.
Sam: Well, girls love musicians, don't they?
Daniel: Uh-huh.
Sam: Even the really weird ones get girlfriends.
Daniel: That's right. Meatloaf definitely got laid at least once. For God's sake, Ringo Starr married a Bond girl!
Sam: [looks at him strangely] Whatever.
Oh man shut your anorexic malnutrition tapeworm-having overdose on Dick Gregory Bohemian diet-drinking ass up. Leave me alone!
Sidney Deane
[watching the elephant seals]
Raul: I don't think they are penguin eaters, are they?
Ramón: I believe they are herbivores.
Raul: Uh?
Ramón: You know, kelp suckers!
Let's get pissed and watch porn
Billy Mack
Please don't touch my ruffles. Put that one back.
Gary
Leopard Seal: Come here, sausage. I take you with ketchup!
Ramón: Yeah, but first you gotta catch up!
I say, why don't you guys locate your dicks, remove the shrink wrap, and fucking *use* them!
Steve Stifler
