Favorite Comedy Quotes
I'm sweatin' like a Tijuana whore!Johnny O
Jake: It's good to see you, sweetheart.
Mystery Woman: You contemptible pig! I remained celibate for you. I stood at the back of a cathedral, waiting, in celibacy, for you, with three hundred friends and relatives in attendance. My uncle hired the best Romanian caterers in the state. To obtain the seven limousines for the wedding party, my father used up his last favor with Mad Pete Trullo. So for me, for my mother, my grandmother, my father, my uncle, and for the common good, I must now kill you, and your brother.
Leopard Seal: Come here, sausage. I take you with ketchup!
RamÃ³n: Yeah, but first you gotta catch up!
Melissa: You really love animals, don't you?
Ace Ventura: If it gets cold enough.
Kip: It's a time machine, Napoleon. We bought it online.
Napoleon Dynamite: Yeah, right.
Kip: It works, Napoleon. You don't even know.
Adolescence is a marketing tool.Elaine Miller
Alvin: Dave needs a little help from the love doctor.
Theodore: And his assistant.
Dave Buznik: I'm sorry I was so rude before... but... it's difficult for me... to... express myself... when I am on the verge of... exploding in my pants.
Kendra: You are too cute.
Dave Buznik: Get the fuck out of here.
Elwood: What kind of music do you usually have here?
Claire: Oh, we got both kinds. Country AND western!
Bueller?... Bueller?... Bueller?Economics Teacher
I am never satisfied... it is a curse!Chazz