Favorite Comedy Quotes
All right, I gotta get this speck up to the top of Mount Nool A.S.A.P, whatever that means, probably act swiftly awesome packaderm! I mean, how hard can that be?
Horton
All I care about is getting out of the Vista View apartments, because there ain't no 'vista', there ain't no "view", and there certainly ain't no vista of no view.
Rhonda Deane
Tai: Cher, I don't want to do this anymore. And my buns: they don't feel nothin' like steel.
Mother in Store: [apologizing for her daughter hitting Dave on the head with a box while shopping in a grocery store] Oh, sorry about that. Sorry.
David Seville: Kids, huh?
Mother in Store: Yeah, they keep you on your toes. You have any?
David Seville: Three boys.
Mother in Store: Some days are better than others.
David Seville: ...and then some days you just want to close them in a box, and leave the box in the park, and run away you know?
Mother in Store: [rushes off with her cart]
Cody's around here somewhere, I can feel it in my nuggets!
Chicken Joe
Oh man shut your anorexic malnutrition tapeworm-having overdose on Dick Gregory Bohemian diet-drinking ass up. Leave me alone!
Sidney Deane
Well, it's Groundhog Day... again... and that must mean we're up here at Gobbler's Knob waiting for the forecast from the world's most famous groundhog weatherman, Punxsutawney Phil, who's just about to tell us how much more winter we can expect.
Phil
Kip: It's a time machine, Napoleon. We bought it online.
Napoleon Dynamite: Yeah, right.
Kip: It works, Napoleon. You don't even know.
Bueller?... Bueller?... Bueller?
Economics Teacher
I am never satisfied... it is a curse!
Chazz
No I will not make out with you. Did ya hear that? this girl wants to make out with me in the middle of class. You got Chlorophyll Man up there talking about God knows what and all she can talk about is making out with me. I'm here to learn, everybody, not to make out with you. Go on with the chlorophyll.
Billy Madison
My esteemed colleague, Mr. Marino, has just brought some new evidence to my attention. Now, history has certainly shown that even the most intuitive criminal investigator can be wrong from time to time. But if I am mistaken... if the Lieutenant is indeed a woman, as she claims to be... then, my friend, she is suffering from the worst case of hemorrhoids I have *ever* seen!
Ace Ventura
