Favorite Comedy Quotes
Kip: It's a time machine, Napoleon. We bought it online.
Napoleon Dynamite: Yeah, right.
Kip: It works, Napoleon. You don't even know.
Love is not a feeling, Mr. Burns. It's an ability.
Marty Barasco
You shoulda kissed her Dave. She wanted you.
Alvin
Jake: Disco pants and haircuts...
Elwood: Yeah, lots of space in this mall.
Hooper: Check this shit. You got cracker farm boy Luke Skywalker, Nazi poster boy, blond hair, blue eyes. And then you got Darth Vader, the blackest brother in the galaxy, Nubian god!
Banky Edwards: What's a "Nubian"?
Hooper: Shut the fuck up!
Bueller?... Bueller?... Bueller?
Economics Teacher
I am never satisfied... it is a curse!
Chazz
Beneath the clothes, we find a man... and beneath the man, we find his... nucleus.
Nacho
No I will not make out with you. Did ya hear that? this girl wants to make out with me in the middle of class. You got Chlorophyll Man up there talking about God knows what and all she can talk about is making out with me. I'm here to learn, everybody, not to make out with you. Go on with the chlorophyll.
Billy Madison
Michael Newman: [reading off letter] Like I Said, "Good Guys Need A Break". I know you'll do the right thing this time. Love Morty. P.S. Your Wife's Rockin' Body Still Drives Me Crazy.
Michael Newman: Okay, Morty.
[Throws the universal remote into the bin]
[quoting Benjamin Franklin] Politicians are a lot like diapers. They should be changed frequently, and for the same reason.
Tom Dobbs
Surfing Instructor: There's only one cure for pain like that.
Peter Bretter: What?
Surfing Instructor: Weed. Ya got any?
Peter Bretter: No.
Surfing Instructor: Well then let's just go surfing!
