Favorite Comedy Quotes
[to the Heavens] Is it too much to ask for a LITTLE PRECIPITATION?Evan Baxter
Why don't you tell your daddy to comb his damn hair, look like some spiders is having a meetin' on his head.Smokey
It makes my hair shine like the Belt of Orion.Chazz
Dr. Gonzo: Hello? Hi Lucy, God bless. Yeah it's me. What? I dont know, I taught that bastard a lesson he'll never forget. What? No, not dead. But he won't be bothering anybody for a while. Yeah, I left him out there. I stomped him. I pulled all his teeth out.
Raoul Duke: I remember thinking 'Jesus, what a terrible thing to lay on someone with a head full of acid'.
Dr. Gonzo: But we have a problem. That bastard cashed a bad cheque downstairs and gave you as a reference. They'll be looking for both of you. Yeah I know. You can't judge a book by it's cover... some people are just basically rotten. Well the last thing in the world you want to do is call this hotel again. They'll trace the call and put you straight behind bars. Yeah I'm moving to the tropicana right away... when I get a room I'll let you know which one it is... I gotta get off. They probably have this phone tapped baby... Yeah I know it's horrible but it's all over now.
Goldmember: Dr. Evil, we still have the ultimate insurance policy. May I present to you, the very sexual, the very toite, Austin Power's fahza.
Dr. Evil: His what?
Number 2: His fahza, Dr. Evil.
Dr. Evil: His farger? What's a farger?
Goldmember: His fahza. You know, the fahza.
Dr. Evil: You know Goldmember, I don't speak freaky-deaky Dutch. Okay, perv boy?
Goldmember: Fahza, his dad, dad is fahza.
Dr. Evil: Oh, his dad. His FA-THER.
I say, why don't you guys locate your dicks, remove the shrink wrap, and fucking *use* them!Steve Stifler
A Woman is like an artichoke, you must work hard to get to her heart.Inspector Jacques Clouseau
If you think that Mick Jagger will still be doing the whole rock star thing at age 50, well, then, you are sorely, sorely mistaken.Dennis Hope
Jimmy: THAT was disgusting.
Chazz: THAT, young man, is how babies are made.
Jimmy: Hey could you help me?
Little Kid: Strangers are danger.
Harry: Well, really, the way I see it it's all your fucking fault now isn't it? You try to rob someone with blanks in your gun and he gets the jump on you, takes your gun away and shoots the blanks in your face blinding you, so he had to get pretty close to do that. It's your own fault for being such a big gay fairy now isn't it?
Eirik: I thought you wanted to kill him.
Harry: I do. But that still doesn't mitigate the fact that youâ€™re a fucking pansy, now, does it?