Favorite Comedy Quotes
Aye, Captain Stubing. How are Gopher and Doc? Permission to come aboard, sir!Ace Ventura
Bob: Hey, you're doing pretty well for a first-timer.
Marlin: Well, you can't hold on to them forever, can you?
Bill: You know I had a tough time when my oldest went out to the drop off.
Leopard Seal: Come here, sausage. I take you with ketchup!
RamÃ³n: Yeah, but first you gotta catch up!
Lone Starr: A million? That's unfair.
Pizza the Hutt: Unfair to payor but not to payee. But you're gonna pay it, or else!
Barf: Or else what?
Pizza the Hutt: Tell him, Vinnie.
Vinnie: Or else pizza is gonna send out for *you*!
Okay, people, let's make some fuckie fuckie.Kelly
She's sweet, but she's fucked-up.Herman Blume
Leah: Woah check out baby big head. That thing is freaky looking.
Juno MacGuff: Excuse me? I am a sacred vessel, alright? All you've got in your stomach is Taco Bell.
No I will not make out with you. Did ya hear that? this girl wants to make out with me in the middle of class. You got Chlorophyll Man up there talking about God knows what and all she can talk about is making out with me. I'm here to learn, everybody, not to make out with you. Go on with the chlorophyll.Billy Madison
Matthew Kidman. I will always remember... The three legs of the tripod. My business partner. My student advisor. The next Einstein. Eli's calling card. Klitz's big debut. My own scholarship to Georgetown. And of course, I'll never forget the girl next door. As for me, I'm just going with it.Matthew
Those crazy little fuckers man, they sure know their numbers.Kelly
Hedley Lamarr: [cuts in line] You dropped your beads. One please... Uhh... Student?
Cashier: Are you kidding?
Hedley Lamarr: Pain in the ASS...
Bueller?... Bueller?... Bueller?Economics Teacher