Horton: I meant what I said, and I said what I meant.
Morton: [sighs] An elephant's faithful one hundred percent.
Horton: That's my code, my motto.

Lewis: Why is your dog wearing glasses?
Grandpa Bud: Oh, because his insurance won't pay for contacts.

Mitch Burns: I swear, the minute I saw her I felt like I was in the room with an angel.
Dan Burns: Yeah, well, this corn is an angel.

Max: Good God, he licked me.
Lemon: Edward, don't lick Max.

Why did G-Girl throw a shark at us?

Hannah Lewis

Mikey, DJ interviewer: Well. Thanks for that, Bill.
Billy Mack: For what?
Mikey, DJ interviewer: Well, for actually giving a real answer to a question. Doesn't often happen here on "Radio Watford" I can tell you.
Billy Mack: Ask me anything you like, I'll tell you the truth.
Mikey, DJ interviewer: Uh... best shag you've ever had?
Billy Mack: Britney Spears.
Mikey, DJ interviewer: Wow!
Billy Mack: No, only kidding. She was rubbish.

Adolescence is a marketing tool.

Elaine Miller

Napoleon Dynamite: Why do you got your hood on like that?
Pedro: Well, when I came home from school my head started to get really hot. So I drank some cold water, but it didn't do nothing. So I laid in the bathtub for a while, but then I realized that it was my hair that was making my head hot. So I went into my kitchen and I shaved it all off. I don't want anyone to see.
Napoleon Dynamite: I know what you mean.

Samantha Jones: I can't color enough, I would color all day every day If I had my way, I would use every crayon in my box.
Carrie Bradshaw: We get it! You like to color...

Ken: You from the States?
Jimmy: Yeah. But don't hold it against me.
Ken: I'll try not to... Just try not to say anything too loud or crass.

[while urinating neon green liquid] Jeez, it's like Shrek's piss.

Danny

Give me a word, any word, and I show you that the root of that word is Greek.

Gus Portokalos

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